Jul 16 2019

Some people are an acquired taste

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 17:49

For a long time people in my life have told me that I’m inadequate or unsuitable for certain things. When I was a child I was too extreme, I was rebellious and fearless and although this made my childhood amazing, it also made it dangerous. I was challenging myself and others around me, sometimes with tragic results. I insisted to go to school when I had the mumps to present an important paper and managed to give it to my desk-mate. I was venturing outside the neighborhood to unknown areas, sometimes taking the group with me and returning late at home, when all the parents would be already crazy with worry. No wonder my parents used to beat the shit out of me and threatened me with grounding me for weeks inside my room. Nothing worked though and in retrospect it was a little bit their fault.

Every summer, they used to ship me and my sister to the country side to my grandma. She used to ask us to help her work the garden sometimes, but otherwise she would chase us away from home so we won’t annoy her. So I’ve had a wild childhood. I used to wonder on those hills next to her house, the forests after them and every neighbour garden that used to have one or more trees that produced some kind of fruit that was edible. We would build castles out of mud and play in the near-by river which became dangerous after a heavy rain.

And when I hit 14, all of a sudden I was asked to behave like a well educated girl. Which meant not talking without being asked, not to laugh to loudly, not to do anything that might endanger my face, or leave scars and above all be gentle. Not to spill stuff on my clothes, etc … whatever passes as girlish and delicate. Kinda late to ask somebody to behave this way after you’ve allowed them to be wild for a long while.

So there I was, puberty hit and I had no idea how to behave. Well, as an adolescent you don’t know much of everything really, and all the pressure on how I should be and I wasn’t was getting me depressed. Anyway, puberty has long passed and gone, but I’ve found myself as an adult … unfit again. I was a girl in a faculty for boys. Then I was a woman working in a male dominated field. Still misfit, still wrong somehow.

Maybe it’s not the domain, maybe I just don’t fit well with other people. I try, but then I miserably fail and retreat and become a recluse. The reason I say I am an introvert is because I have so many thoughts in my head that never get to leave it and I fight to keep them in because if I let them out they will be misinterpreted and people would get hurt. And we live in a very sensitive brave new world where people get offended easily. So yeah, I’m an introvert by choice and my extrovert bursts caused by having a good day here and there, or just getting passionate with a cause or a person, are just that. Short bursts of joy and of friendliness, that I pay for with feeling tired and inadequate for days, because my interactions, ultimately feel awkward and unwelcome. And that is because obviously, practice makes perfect and I am always out of practice.

Nothing I ever do is ever good enough for some people, and the way I am seems to make people uncomfortable most times. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I should change. But then again, I had suicidal thoughts most of my life because I tried to fit labels other people put on me. I tried to meet somebody else’s expectations for so long and nearly drove me t omess up my life.

I’m not perfect and I’m not anybody’s dream girl. I’m an acquired taste, I am liquorice. There are not many people that like liquorice and that is ok.

Stay safe, stay happy!

Jul 11 2019

Blast from the past(part 6)

Category: English posts,PersonalIuliana @ 22:45

Here we are, year 2011. This was a really good year. I had quite an active social life, I was a renown blogger in Iasi. The Iasi blogospere was just taking off and there were a lot of events. The first group of bloggers from Iasi was quite a tight-knit team. We were together a lot during that summer. We were playing basketball and then we were going for a beer twice a week sometimes. The weekends were long and we were walking from pub to pub, sometimes getting home the next morning.

Continue reading “Blast from the past(part 6)”

Jul 10 2019

Visiting home (part one)

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 22:04

It has been exactly one month since I last posted something on this blog. As expected, when I take breaks from writing is because I am busy with something else. Let me update you.

On the 20th of June I took flight and went back to Romania to check on my friends and family and to go to the wedding of a dear friend and previous co-worker. I left my cat in Scotland with another dear friend and from the pictures he sent she had the time of her life. She was spolied as fuck and well taken care of. I was actually debating if I should get her back or not. Just look at her:

Anyway, the cat was having the time of her life, I on the other hand… not really. Long story follows, click at your own risk.

Continue reading “Visiting home (part one)”

Jun 11 2019

Blast from the past(part 5)

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:33

I know I took a long break from writing again. I could blame my absence on working on my books, but I would be lying. Truth is whenever I get a bout of depression I have energy for one thing only: keeping up a steady job so I can pay my rent and feed my cat. Seriously, this cat is the reason while I’m a decent functioning adult sometimes.

But, back to my awesome series.This time I have two pictures for you.

In the background of this picture you can see the Back Sea. In 2010 I broke up with Rpx. It was one of those mutual(sort of) break-ups. Quite peacefull and chill, it was quite clear to us, that for some reason we no longer fitted together. So I decided to go the Black Sea with a small set of friends(?) to a small city called Vama Veche which is known for being destination for young people to get drunk, have fun and probably do drugs in the summer. I was there for all of them.

I rented a bed in a camper van and it was the most disgusting place I ever slept in. But I got to ride a motorcycle with a friend of mine, I got to smoke marijuana, get a little drunk, have a little fun and ironically no, I did not get to swim in the sea because I almost drowned in 2009 at Gura Portitei. So I  ended up being a little afraid of water with its own random currents.

Obviously, I need to tell you about my first experience with marijuana, because, because … I just must.  So although for more than 10 years I smoked  because my friends kept offering me cigarettes and I was so desperate for acceptance and inclusion I never said no, I was never a real smoker. So obviously smoking marijuana is not something I enjoyed doing. The smell and taste of smoke just make me nauseous and disgust me to this day. I will probably never smoke in my life again. Being young – well not so young, I was 27 – I kinda felt weird about not being able to contribute with my own opinion in discussions with my friends about marijuana. So, feeling naughty I asked one of the guys in the group to get one so we can do some research. I remember three or four of us staying in a circle in the sand next to a bonfire. We all smoked and kept talking nonsense. I was less focused on the discussion and more focused on me and what I was feeling, because I wanted to feel something, I was not even sure what. So I just stood there on my ass, on the sand waiting. And nothing happened. At some point I just felt sleepy, so I said bye bye to my guys and just went to my camper van. Since I did not check the time, I will never know how much I sat on my ass waiting for something to happen, for some extraordinary sensation that never came.

You expected some crazy story? Now you know how I’ve felt. I would like very much to have a crazy story to write, but I don’t.

Curious fact: one of the guys I’ve went to the Black Sea with was, and still is, suffering from mythomania. After coming back from the sea I’ve written a very big sarcastic post about this guy being a pathological liar which turned him into a pariah in the local blogospehere for years. A few years after doing that, I felt bad, I mean it was online bullying after all, and I’ve made the post private, before Google got so good at indexing content. Unfortunately, mythomania is not curable, unless you have parents that actually care about you enough(unfortunately this poor kid did not) to take you to a psychologist. But then again in Romania psychologists are one step down the ladder from palm readers, so if his parents would have cared about him lying the therapy would have been some pair of beatings. Anyway, after reconnecting a month ago with a friend from that group, I find out that the guy is still lying his way through life, he moved to Bucharest and he’s a slowly rising politician. This says a lot about Romania’s politicians, right? Anyway, if you are ever asked to vote for Vlad Moraru, be really sure you know the guy, because it could be my guy.

The picture above was taken towards the end of the year. By that time I met the unmentionable boyfriend and I was … happy. The necklace you see in the picture was kinda goth and kinda cool and I loved it. I have no idea when I lost it and I still regret losing it. I bought it from a thrift store. That’s all I remember about this picture. I do not even remember the context, nor the reason for taking it – because it is obviously a selfie. At that time the blogosphere was slowly shifting towards Facebook, so I might have taken this picture for my Facebook profile.

And that’s it kids. Story time is done, because mommy has to write some code.

Stay safe, stay happy!

Jun 11 2019

Goodbye Netflix

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:00

One of the things I did after moving to the UK getting a Netflix subscription. I just thought since I’ll be alone here I’ll finally have the time to see all the series I’ve missed. And I did, and I enjoyed a few of them. I also had this illusory hope that if I see all the British series, on Netflix my English accent would improve. Well, not sure my accent is better because of Netflix, but I definitely had less free time and less motivation to leave the house. It got so bad I could not take a bath or fall asleep without watching something. When the awesome series ended I switched to good ones. When the good series ended, I switched to decent ones. Then to acceptable ones. But now I’m just left with really dull ones and I  just realized it’s not worth it anymore. So today I just cancelled my Netflix subscription. I’ve been thinking about doing it for a while, but like any addiction is really difficult to kick. But I did it. Yeey me!

Seriously, Netflix is addictive. Not sure any of us realizes how much time and money we actually waste on it. Actually, just money, because time is money. Or just time, that you could spend exercising, meditating, going out and meeting people. Or just hanging with your friends and loved ones.

I have books to read(and write) and music to listen(and learn on my piano), I’d rather do any of that. If I will wreck my eye sight by staring at a screen I would prefer doing it while writing on this blog or writing some code, or reading a book. Each one of this would be more useful to my brains than  watching a series or a movie. Unless that movie is Rocketman, but Rocketman is not on Netflix. You haven’t seen Rocketman? You lazy ignorant human, go to a cinema right now and see it! It is amazing and it is life changing.

So, I’m sorry Netflix, but we really have to stay apart for a while. After the last season of Lucifer which was amazing and the ending of Star Trek Discovery there’s nothing left that I consider worthy of my time. It was nice spending time with you, you’ve been a good friend to me on my lonely days and maybe we’ll keep each other company again, but for now I’ll leave you to be enjoyed by your other billions of users that need you because they are addicted to you.

Stay safe and stay happy!



May 26 2019

Blast from the past (part 4)

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 16:07

This is one of my favorite pictures. It was taken in 2009 in a small seaside reservation called Gura Portitei. I went there with my friends, two of them my best friends, that ended up being the parents of the kids I love most in this world. I have a lot of pictures from that vacation, but my brains decided to erase most of the memories.

But I do like this picture. I remember loving that shirt. I remember how bad it fit with the red sweatpants and I know the colors association is not the great either, but the whole outfit felt so comfortable. The pink legs that you see next to me belong to the founder of this blog, Rpx, my then boyfriend. It know it’s not obvious from the picture but he is 2 meters tall. I am 1,63 m tall and yes, we looked really funny together. He is also a ginger so his skin color will never get darker than that.

I don’t remember much about vacation. But I remember being happy. And knowing me, that is very, very good.

Stay safe, stay happy!


May 23 2019

The one with the bush

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 0:27

When I was younger I honestly thought that the Internet and the unlimited access to information it provided would make the world smarter and during my lifetime I would witness at least a few first steps towards the world depicted in Star Trek. But, sadly this is not the case. Although I do not want to be pessimistic, the things that happened in the last three years or so actually seem to point to some steps being taken backwards to the dark ages.

Of course this entry is about the shit that is happening in USA now. USA has been viewed for a long time as the land of milk and honey, the world where anybody willing to work for their dreams will achieve them, the land of the free, home of the brave. But recently all that beautifully painted view has lost its colors. USA is a big country, for anybody with a little knowledge of history it should be obvious that managing a country of that size is not an easy job. And aside the fact that it is not an easy job, in 2016 the job was given to the village idiot named Trump. After almost three years of lies, laughs and ridiculous twitter messages, the result of  this unfortunate event in USA’s history are starting to show. Because felling empowered by the village idiot, other idiots started to publicly express their stupid wants and opinions and demanded actions.

What is happening in Alabama right now is terrifying. Men have made laws for women, restricting them the ownership of their bodies. So, instead of the world in Star Trek, USA is clearly taking a step towards the world in “A Handmaids Tale”. The men that made those laws have no anatomical knowledge of a female body and obviously no respect for women. Because if they would have any of those, they would have realized that they brought women in their states a step closer to farm animals, because those don’t have control over their bodies either.

If any of those idiots would have even bothered to read a little anatomy or read some of those terrifying  threads on Reddit about what can go wrong during a pregnancy they would have realized that no way in hell you should force a woman to have a child.

Human pregnancy is parasitic by nature.The baby modifies a woman’s body to make sure it gets all it needs to come to term. Sometimes it miscalculates and can funnel more resources than needed and can affect the woman for life. And not in a good way, obviously.  A friend of mine got left with fragile bones and no teeth in her mouth because her baby miscalculated how much calcium it needed. The baby is fine, but she now has fake teeth and she had to give up playing football. Or any kind of contact sport really. And be very careful for the rest of her life. Another friend of mine got  varices all over her legs, and when I say all over, I mean her legs look like she is wearing webbed tights. And these are mild examples, it could be worse.

A wanted, planned baby is a miracle. The pregnancy is the very risky process a woman is willing to go through because he loves her husband or loves the idea of having a child – if she’s smart – if she’s an idiot that doesn’t know much about her own body, she might do it for other reasons – but this is another subject. This is how you know as a man that your woman truly loves you: she is willing to put her well being and maybe her life at risk to make sure your genes will pass on.

That is why a woman should never be forced to have a baby.

And also because, I totally agree with what one of my favorite vloggers, Cosmin Mitu says: “nothing creates a worse adult than the feeling of a child that he never was wanted in the first place”.

As for the women that intentionally get pregnant to trap men into a marriage or financing them under the so-called motherhood, let’s put it like this: if a man masturbates and leaves his load on a bush, it doesn’t mean the bush is now his to do as he wants. So honestly, dear men, if you do not want babies, be careful where you dump your load. If it’s inside a woman’s vagina, prepare to follow up and make sure she isn’t having that baby, or take her to a lawyer to sign a document taking full responsibility(including the financial one) for her decision. (I did not take into consideration here the responsible/sensitive men that would not be able to sleep at night because of the thought that out there there is a kid sharing their genes.)

These are the logical options, but humans are anything but logical unfortunately.

Here’s another idea: you know all that talk about consent when it comes to sex? The same goes with having a kid.

If sex requires consent from both parties, having a kid requires it too.