Jun 16 2017

For once I just wish somebody fought for me

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 22:13

Today is my last day as a manager. I was offered the position of course. I’m not bragging, it is not a vertical promotion, it’s a horizontal one. I did not give a clear answer, but I hinted that this is not the job for me, for more than one reason.

Anyway, I’m happy not to do management work anymore. I hate meetings, I hate excels and PPTs and people who corner you into deadlines without giving you clear specs. I left work later because I had to write a lot of emails to handover management responsibilities.

It was sort of a good day, although it was not a good week. I have insomnia again, I could barely get out of bed in the morning for two days, and the guy I’m in love with and does not reciprocate(because this is how I roll) has moved an ocean away for about six months. So, I get in my car and go home. And lo and behold the chicks downstairs took my parking space. Well, not mine because I pay for it, mine because is the only one across my house and they moved in fucking last Saturday. As I said, it is not actually mine, so I go and park my car next to the park, 5 minutes away. Not a problem, I enjoy the walk usually, but today I just walked come with tears falling from my eyes.

I just wished I had a boyfriend who would go to those bitches and tell them a few bad words. Because they are loud, and because I helped one of them two days ago when she forgot her phone in a taxi and this is what I fucking get in return.

I do my best to be a good person, but sometimes I just want to stop getting out of my home. Because I give, and I understand, and I forgive and don’t bother and I’m patient and I try and I try and I try… and for once I would like to have somebody acknowledge that I am a good person and love me for it and consider spending the rest of his or her life with me.

I just wish for once, somebody would be patient with me, somebody would try to fucking make me happy, I just wish somebody should at least try… I just wish somebody would fight for me, would defend me, just once. I know that I’m strong, and I’ve been fighting and defending myself and others until now so it’s not like I can’t do it. But I get tired, and for once I’d like somebody would fight and defend me.

Oh well, it is what it is.

Stay safe, stay happy!

[Later edit]: This is just a rant. I don’t really need a boyfriend. A father or a brother might have been more suitable for the job probably. ;)


May 26 2017

The unexpected

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:39

This year started with some plans being broken, so I kinda got used to the idea that nothing interesting is going to happen. Thus I just drowned myself in work. At least that was the plan, and it seemed to work, at least until the 23rd of April.

On the 23rd of April, at 3 am, I was going to bed after a full workday. As I closed my eyes, a notification appeared on my phone, because I forgot to put it on night mode. One of my favorite bands, Switchfoot, was singing in Vienna.

Opening the concert was Lifehouse.

So I got up, went to my desk and bought the ticket.

In the morning I printed it and looked at it more attentively. And that’s when it hit me. The concert was taking place at “The Filene Center”, Vienna, VA 22182. And the ticket was 55$. When I bought the ticket, it kinda bugged me that the price was in dollars, but brushed it off and clicked Buy.

Yeah, apparently there is a town named Vienna, in Virginia, US. I started laughing and thought bitterly that I have just thrown 55$ out the window, because the ticket was not refundable. But then, slowly, an idea formed in my mind. What if I go? But wait, it’s US, and I missed John Mayer’s tour in Europe. That was one of my biggest regret of the year. But what if…

So I checked. He was singing in Camden, New Jersey, on the 18th of August. And Camden is only 3 ours away by car from Vienna. And then it was set in stone. So I made myself the best birthday present ever. I bought myself a ticket to the John Mayer concert happening on my birthday.

This is how I decided to go to US. I did not plan it for half an year. I did not consult with anyone. I am going there alone. I already got my US Visa. The interview took three minutes. The waiting in queues and prints taking took 40 minutes. Driving to the embassy and back took 10 hours. But this Wednesday, I had my passport in my hands with the US Visa. So I extended my vacation and bought the plane tickets.

So… there is no way back, I am going to US. I am scared and thrilled at the same time.

Honestly, after the two previous years, I thought there is no way this year can be just as great. But apparently, it looks like it will be even better.

What else can I say? Sometimes a mistake done at 3 in the morning can turn into an beautiful plan. Talk about butterfly effect…

Stay safe, stay happy!

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Mar 17 2017

Made my day

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 0:05

I’m going to a rough period at work, I’m struggling a lot to get some work done and nothing seems to work. And my manager got sick so I had to deal with the hellfire of some releases being late. Today I was at the gym, and left without my equipment knapsack. So yeah, I am that tired, and that out of this world. I went there and I have no idea how I could focus, because all I was thinking of was how to tackle down the problem I had at work.

No I’m not an workaholic, but here’s the thing: my career, my problem solving skill, my ability to deliver high quality code and solutions is the sole source of satisfaction for me at the moment. Seriously. I was not able to buy a ticket to a John Mayer concert, the sabbatical is not happening, neither is learning to play guitar and I’m sort-of broken hearted as well. Believe me, work is all I have at the moment. If work does not bring me the satisfaction I need, I fall down into the darkness of low self-esteem and depression.

It is during this times when I start thinking about who I am and what I am actually doing. And I remember that all I wanted to become was the perfect wife and mom, I wanted the family I never had. I wanted somebody to love me and a couple of hyper-active kids. And what did I get. Apparently… the ability to make money, to inspire people, to motivate and lift them up. And I have no idea how I’m doing it, because I cannot do the same for me, at least not now.

But tonight, after a bad and disappointing day somebody’s words made my day. One of the people that bought my book, left me some messages on hangouts telling me that she likes one of my books, that she is very impressed with my work and that will help her prepare for the exam.

It is not the first time I receive thanks for one of my books. And sometimes they come at the moments then I need them the most. Thank you Sindiso Mpofu, you made my day!


Oct 31 2016

The epiphany

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 0:11

Friday evening, five women got in one car and left from Sibiu, Romania towards Sofia, Bulgaria. There we were supposed to get on a plane, go to Kutaisi and have two dreamy days in Ushguli and one in Kutaisi before coming home. One of them was me. I was the driver, the car was my Sandero Smile, a Dacia car, a Romanian car, made for Romanian roads. Or so I believed for 5 years.

I did not sleep much the previous night, as I struggled to finish the last chapter of my recent technical book, but the sleep I had was really good, no dreams, just deep sleep, because when I woke up at seven I was well rested and ready to go. I added a lot of caffeine and some energy drink and all was well. I was a little scared, because I have never driven before for so long with 5 people in my car. But all went well, for about 400 kilometers. That is when we left the highway to turn into a dark and unkempt road, there was asphalt but it as covered in dust and small stones. I should have known I had to be careful, I should have gone slower, but the car was stable, all was well. There was a car in front of me, so I did not turn on my night lights, so I won’t bother the driver. I should have turned them back on with the first occasion, but I did not, and this I consider it to be my first mistake and the first factor. And then there was a curve in the road. My speed was about 50-60km per hour, because I had reduced visibility, but should have been smaller because of the quality of the road. But I clearly had no experience on those kind of roads, and this was the second factor. And in that curve I tried to stay on the road, but the car slid out on the right and caught a patch of mud. I managed to get it back on the road, but continued sliding. I kept pushing the brake, trying to change direction. I could see it all happening in slow motion. The car was slowing down, but not enough so I hit the side of the bridge in the curve with the right back side of the car.Then the front right side hit the concrete parapet next to the bridge, and the car overturned to 90 degrees, on its right side. Because the curve included a bridge over an irrigation canal, and that is when the car stopped moving, sitting 90 upright on its right side, on the concrete parapet.

I was suspended in my chair, hanging and tightly kept there by my seat belt. Nobody screamed until the car stopped moving. No idea what scream was the first, but I shouted: “Are you all ok? Please tell me all of you are ok!” Because you see, if I would have been alone in my car, I would just have started crying. But there were four persons with me, with friends and family that waited for them to come back, that needed them, that loved them. I did not have that, I really do not mater that much to anyone, that is how my parents raised me. I’m not sure that is what they intended it so, but they always had little hope for my future, so a child, then an adolescent interpreted their words as the worst: that she was worthless. Those women had friends and families that love them to bits and I’ve met a few of them. One of them had a small child. One has a niece with her eyes. One has a brother that means the world to her. One has a boyfriend that loves her so much and they have more than 12 years together. I have no connections like that. That is why my first scream was about them, because if any of them would have been hurt, I would have probably died of a broken heart right there and then, only not to face the persons in their lives, as the person that hurt the one they love so much.

After all of them confirmed they are ok, I felt the smell of gasoline. I stopped the engine quick. I realized, we won’t be able to get out of the car. So I called 112 (the equivalent Romanian of 911). They were quick to respond, it was difficult to tell them where we were. But I managed. Other cars stopped. They were trying to flip the car back. I asked them to stop. I realize I could just put the contact on, so the windows would work. I did that, then everybody was out. I was the last to go out. I was feeling guilty because the accident I caused ruined everybody’s vacation. We were all out and standing when the ambulance arrived, then the police. Then the fire brigade, because in Romania they take care o auto accidents too. Among the girls in the back, two of them had no seat-belts on. But they were ok. Only one of them had a few tiny scratches.

The car was taken off the road after all the pics were taken. I kept saying I was sorry and asking for forgiveness. People kept telling me it was not my fault, that accidents happen often in that area. It did not help. I wrote what happened so many times, I kept writing there were no humans hurt, but it still felt weird. Than I got to look at the car. It was totally trashed and it was a miracle all of us got out with only small bruises and some cuts. I called the insurance guys. They came in 30 minutes and as they lifted my Sandero on the platform I felt a pain in my chest. That car was my 5 year partner. I know it was just glass, metal and plastic, but I had the same attachment to it as I had for my cat. I was looking at it being dragged alway and felt like crying and I probably cried. That was goodbye, that was probably the last time I would see it. It was not about money, I can make more money, but that car… I cried in it, I laughed in it, I learned to drive in it, I probably told a boyfriend I loved him in it. We left Iasi together and made new friends that were on my right in that car. That was the end of an era, the Sandelu(that was the name I gave the car, or Sanducu) was no more. My last inanimate connection to Iasi was gone. Only friends remain now.

I do not know how others feel after they crash their cars, but I wanted to make sure those girls would make it to Georgia. I tried renting a car, no chance. Then one of them called some some friends to take take us to Bucharest to a hotel. I told them to book a hotel where they will feel like queens. I would have done anything to help them forget the scare of that night. I looked at them calling friends and families and realized I did not really have anybody to call. Except him. He wished me “God speed” before I left. I thought… maybe he should know. So I wrote him a message. He offered to jump in his car and come right away. I knew he had a lot to work and he had trouble sleeping, I really did not want to bother him. But he insisted, so I just told him to come the next day in the morning to take us home. And he did come, and I hugged him so many times I can’t remember, because it felt so safe in his arms. And he took us home. I stayed on the chair behind him, touching his shoulders from time to time, just to … I don’t know, just to have a fixed point I guess.

What happens in the mind of a driver that causes a crash that endangers other persons’ life? A lot of guilt. I rethink everything that happened that day and what I could have done to avoid it. I was lucky, were all lucky, because we are all ok, physically. Mentally, will take a while. I am so relieved that we are all ok, but from time to time, a dark thought creeps out. The dark “what if”. What if one or more of them would have been badly or mortally injured? What would our lives have been then? What would have happened to me? Because I could not have lived with the guilt. I am so relieved that this scenario is only imaginary, I keep telling myself that there is no point in worrying about what could have been and to move on, but I feel guilty. I’m not sure this will go away too soon and if one of those women wants to moon, I will go get it. It’s the least I can do.

After such events people have epiphanies, about life and death and their purpose and meaning on this earth. I kept waiting for mine that night. I kept waiting for it on the way home. And along the road while holding the shoulders of the man I love and does not reciprocate, but only has a high appreciation and affection for me that he drove for four hours to be close to me in my darkest hour and make sure me and my friends got home safe, a thought appeared as clear as a summer morning light. I never thought an accident as bad as this would happen to me. I have always been obsessively careful and respected all the rules while driving. I really, really believe this would never happen to me. But it did. So, if something so bad could happen to me, even if I took all precautions, what if this is true for good things too? If something unimaginably bad had happened to me, what if something just as good, can happen to me too?

The paramedics, firemen and cops were amazing to us, their behavior and professionalism was exemplary. They kept remembering us to be happy to be alive and unharmed, because looking at the car, nobody would say that was possible. They kept talking to us to keep us calm and collected. If somebody else will ever trash talk Romanian authorities such as these, I will fight them and defend them with all my might.

28 October 2016, 21:54, A1, Kilometer 44, on the road to Vanatorii Mici, five lives were changed and linked together forever by a singular event.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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Oct 12 2016

Musical perfection = John Mayer + Akua Naru

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 9:40

No need to thank me, just enjoy!


Dec 23 2015

Ce trebuie să știi când termini o facultate de IT

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 20:38

Anul ăsta am avut multe interviuri cu copiluți de la facultatea de Automatică și Calculatoare de aici din Sibiu. Materia nu este diferită de cea de la Iași și mai surprinzător nu este diferită mai deloc de ceea ce am studiat eu acum 10 ani.  Ceea ce mi se pare stupid în draci. Pentru că de atunci lumea IT a evoluat sănătos.

Spre exemplu, Github a fost lansat în 2008. Să îmi vii la un interviu și să nu știi ce este acela GitHub, înseamnă că nu te interesează deloc domeniul studiat. Mai mult așteptările mele sunt ca orice student să aibă cont pe GitHub și ceva proiecte ale sale pe care să mă uit ca să îi pot evalua potențialul. Dacă ai cont de Github cu ceva activitate, nici nu mă mai interesează CV-ul tău.

Dar să las asta la o parte și să scriu lista așteptărilor:

  • un limbaj de programare high level (Java, C#, C++, Python)
  • să știi să lucrezi binișor cu un editor profesional pentru aceste limbaje (Eclipse sau Intellij IDEA pentru Java, Visual Studio pentru C#)
  • un limbaj de programare web (JavaScript, Php) – vei impresiona serios dacă știi jQuery.
  • un limbaj markup , adică ar cam trebui să știi ce este acela HTML și XML
  • un sistem de versionare (CVS, SVN, Git)
  • un sistem de operare, Windows de obicei. Dar dacă vrei să faci impresie sănătoasă la interviu, ar fi bine să știi Linux.
  • un limbaj de scripting (Bash, Perl)
  • să știi ce este aceea o bază de date și să știi să folosești oricare din MySQL, PostgreSQL, Oracle

În 4 ani de zile, dacă faci un proiect pe semestru le poți acoperi pe toate.

Și încă ceva, învățați cum se face un CV, nu mai folosiți prostia de Europass! Făceți-vă un CV al vostru, cu fix ceea ce știți sigur, cu fiecare proiect ce v-a plăcut și la care ați lucrat menționat acolo. Enumerați materii ce v-au plăcut și calificativul obținut dacă nu aveți proiect de menționat. (Dacă faceți asta așteptați-vă la întrebări din materiile respective.)  Dacă sunteți într-adevăr pasionați de domeniu și mici super-staruri IT prin facultate puteți cere recomandări de la profesori.

Încă un lucru foarte important: dacă încă sunteți în facultate sau abia ați terminat facultatea și CV-ul nu conține nimic din cele de mai sus, la interviu inevitabil veți primi întrebări din materia din facultate. Așa că dacă ați frecat menta și n-ați luat în serios algoritmii și structurile de date … cam nasol.

Faceți-vă un cont serios de LinkedIn cu detaliile din CV. La un search pe Google după numele din CV, cel mai bine e să apară primele: contul de LinkedIn, GitHub și apoi contul de Facebook. Și apropos de contul de Facebook, n-am să te judec dacă ai publice poze în fundul gol, dar dacă pe contul tău de Facebook găsesc sharuite doar articole despre Salam din Libertatea sau alte asemenea și postări cu înjurături, am să mă gândesc de două ori înainte să te chem la interviu. Personalitatea online este extensia ta.

Și nu vă mai treceți adresa de acasă în CV, asta e rămășită de când rezultatele la interviuri se trimiteau cu Poșta Română! Faptul că faceți chestia asta îmi spune că ați mers pe sistemul monkey see, monkey do și nu ați gândit deloc când ați făcut CV-ul.


Sep 20 2015

First time in Făgărași mountains

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 13:41

This weekend I interrupted my normal routine to go hiking. I have not done this in 3 years and I missed it a lot so when given the opportunity I took it. I really like getting lost in places that civilization hasn’t managed to touch that much. I love the silence, the tranquility of secluded places in the mountains that not that many persons get to reach. In the below image you can see the mountain route in blue. I went there with two friends that knew the mountain better than I did.
Screenshot 2015-09-20 12.29.50

 

 

 

 

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