Aug 06 2017

It’s done

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 23:51

I would love to say that I’m back, that will write more often from now on. The truth is that I really don’t know. I do not have much to write about these days, I seldom left my small home office for months now. Well, except from going to work and doing groceries that is.

I’ve been working like crazy to finish my new Spring book, before going on vacation and I cannot believe it that today It was the day when I submitted the last chapter. Of course some reviews will be necessary, because well… my English grammar might not be that good. And considering that the release date is 6 months away, a lot might change until then. Java 9 might get released and Spring 5 might release the Java 9 compatible version. Truth is, only time will tell. What I can tell you for now is that I’m done for the next month or so with sleepless nights. I’m done with the stress of getting it done, I’m done with the thinking of how things could be re-arranged, how concepts could be explained better. I’m done.

And as usual, when this happens, I mean, I’ve been here two times before, there combination of bitterness of things that I will not get to do anymore, like stress on a damn implementation that does not work as advertised and I need to figure out why and the anticipation for things that I have the time to do now.

After my vacation I will start my guitar lessons. Or piano. I’m not sure yet. I will learn Kotlin. I will deep dive into Thymeleaf. I will start working on that application idea that has been bugging me for a while. I will sleep more. I will exercise more. I will go out more. I will play more.(because I really miss Heroes 3)

Who knows? Only time can tell.


Jul 22 2017

Chester Bennington finally gave up

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 11:00

I have no words. I guess I just waited for this to sink in. Chester Bennington finally gave up. After battling depression and addiction for years, he finally broke. I really hoped he wouldn’t. But he did. I did not listen to Linkin Park in a long while. I do not really like their new sound, adapted to the modern tastes in music. But I loved “Out of Ashes“. That is the last time I really focused on his lyrics and his voice.

He was a tortured soul, he had a rough start in life. And he used his music to reach people who felt just as broken, just as hopeless, so they won’t feel alone in their struggles. And he reached me, a 16 years old girl looking for a place in the world, feeling the world was shutting her down at any turn and any try. Linking Park was the band that opened up the world of Rock Music to me, and for that I will be forever grateful.

Now it sunk in. I feel like I lost a childhood friend. The world was so mean to him, it hurt him in many ways. I really, really hoped, he will somehow  manage to put all that behind him. Oh well, at least now he’s free, nothing hurts anymore. Rest in peace Chester.

 

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Jul 14 2017

I love internet

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 14:28

Darren Hayes, the favorite singer of my youth just liked my tweet. I know it is not much, but I just made contact with my favorite singer.
Life is good…

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May 26 2017

The unexpected

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:39

This year started with some plans being broken, so I kinda got used to the idea that nothing interesting is going to happen. Thus I just drowned myself in work. At least that was the plan, and it seemed to work, at least until the 23rd of April.

On the 23rd of April, at 3 am, I was going to bed after a full workday. As I closed my eyes, a notification appeared on my phone, because I forgot to put it on night mode. One of my favorite bands, Switchfoot, was singing in Vienna.

Opening the concert was Lifehouse.

So I got up, went to my desk and bought the ticket.

In the morning I printed it and looked at it more attentively. And that’s when it hit me. The concert was taking place at “The Filene Center”, Vienna, VA 22182. And the ticket was 55$. When I bought the ticket, it kinda bugged me that the price was in dollars, but brushed it off and clicked Buy.

Yeah, apparently there is a town named Vienna, in Virginia, US. I started laughing and thought bitterly that I have just thrown 55$ out the window, because the ticket was not refundable. But then, slowly, an idea formed in my mind. What if I go? But wait, it’s US, and I missed John Mayer’s tour in Europe. That was one of my biggest regret of the year. But what if…

So I checked. He was singing in Camden, New Jersey, on the 18th of August. And Camden is only 3 ours away by car from Vienna. And then it was set in stone. So I made myself the best birthday present ever. I bought myself a ticket to the John Mayer concert happening on my birthday.

This is how I decided to go to US. I did not plan it for half an year. I did not consult with anyone. I am going there alone. I already got my US Visa. The interview took three minutes. The waiting in queues and prints taking took 40 minutes. Driving to the embassy and back took 10 hours. But this Wednesday, I had my passport in my hands with the US Visa. So I extended my vacation and bought the plane tickets.

So… there is no way back, I am going to US. I am scared and thrilled at the same time.

Honestly, after the two previous years, I thought there is no way this year can be just as great. But apparently, it looks like it will be even better.

What else can I say? Sometimes a mistake done at 3 in the morning can turn into an beautiful plan. Talk about butterfly effect…

Stay safe, stay happy!

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May 20 2017

Be the change you want to see in the world

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 12:44

While I was in Frankfurt a lot of things happened, a lot of things got done, a lot of them got postponed, but overall it was a good experience. But there is one thing that is really worth mentioning. While I was here, after a difficult day in which I had to do some serious negotiations for deadlines, after having a colleague shout at me during a public meeting because he misunderstood me and another basically telling me that I’m a bad manager, again in public, because this is where things like these are done apparently, all I wanted was to have a nice bike ride and then enjoy some blueberries from the local supermarket.

So I and a colleague of mine, take our bikes and go to the supermarket. We park the bikes and go in. The first thing that caught my eye was a guy dressed in dark with a hoodie and his face covered taking money from one of the counters. He did not belong, his outfit was definitely not the store uniform, the store that I’ve been going to for past two years while being delegated to Frankfurt. And then I noticed why nobody was trying to stop him, he had a huge butcher knife in his hand. And in that store there were about 6 employees, including security that were paralyzed with fear and some clients hidden in the store. I was so confused, he was one guy, with one knife, and a lot of people, and nobody was doing anything.

I scanned my surroundings fast to check what I could do. I’m quite small and he had a knife. I needed to throw something at him to make him drop the knife. But I’m not a good thrower either, so I needed something big and heavy if possible. Next to the shop door, where I was, there were some bags of flower compost. I just took one, threw it at him. He did not drop the knife, so I ran and in my way I was looking for anything else I could throw at him. Luckily he was scared of the unexpected interruption and he ran as well.

I did not want tot be praised for my actions, but I did not expect people to try to make me feel sorry about it either. Because a few people told me that I should not have done that, because it was not my money so I shouldn’t care. Why put myself in danger for no reason, right?

Well, it’s not right! Maybe I’ve seen to many superheroes movies, maybe my difficult upbringing left me with a superhero complex, but when I see somebody trying to scare or hurt other people I just can’t do nothing. Why? Because if actions like these are tolerated, bad people will draw the conclusion that hurting others is acceptable and normal, and they will keep doing it. And this kind of behavior might even propagate. What if that guys was not there to rob the store, but was there to hurt someone? What if that someone was your partner or your child? Wouldn’t you want for somebody to interfere?

I do not want to live in a world where evil doings are tolerated. I do not want to live in a world where if I’m in danger, nobody will interfere. Also I do not want to have kids in a world where they could get hurt and nobody would try to protect or save them, even if we all know this is the right thing to do. We keep saying that we are civilized, that we live in communities. Communities come together, help and defend themselves. Not interfering when bad things are done is the opposite of what community actually means.

Sure, it was dangerous. Sure, he could have hurt me. But he didn’t, but instead he got the message, there are people that do not tolerate this kind of behavior and are willing to do something about it. And next time, maybe something heavier than a compost bag will be thrown at him. This never happened to me before. Honestly, walking in on a robbery was stuff of movies for me until a week ago. Next time I’ll be more prepared. :D

After he left, the supermarket just continued to sell stuff as if nothing happened. And you want to know the worst thing? No bloody blueberries…


Apr 09 2017

Song inspired post

Category: English posts,MiscellaneousIuliana @ 13:10

It’s no secret for my friends and for my oldest readers that I am a peculiar music lover. I get lost in songs that beside sound also have deep and meaningful lyrics because this combination moves people and makes them think. The song “Happier” from Ed Sheeran is such a song. I just finishing listening to it and felt the need to write here where my mind went.

I remembered how I felt when you left, I remembered a few of the things you told me, among them I hope I remember properly, you said you do not want to stay in my way. Almost three years ago, all the things you said about leaving me for my own good seemed such bullshit and still hurts a little thinking about it. Because at the time it was bullshit that you trying to feed me, to keep my love for you alive, just in case your new relationship would not have worked and you might have realized at some point that you loved me and you were better with me.

It’s ironic really, that bullshit from three years ago is not bullshit anymore. You were in my way. I sat four extra years in a town that I did not like, in a region of the country I loathed, just because I thought I I loved you and you felt the same and I should give that relationship a chance, even against all odds. I really hope you are happier now, happier than you’ve been with me. I was never good at this relationship stuff and I know I probably I made mistakes that I didn’t acknowledge at the time and don’t even remember now. I can’t remember the times when we were happy that much. So I have nothing to compare with my current situation.

I’m definitely more tranquil and focused on what I am passionate about. I’m definitely more aware of my own desires and what brings me satisfaction. I am more open-minded to new experiences and new people. I am more accepting of my failures and of others as well. I am more indifferent to the human nature, I have become less critical about the world and more careless. I don’t know if this is bad or good from others’ point of view, but sure feels good and comforting. And what else is happiness if not loving what you’ve got after all? So I guess I am happier.

I am writing all this from a hotel room with a view over a beautiful city while the sun is shining in my windows and Ed Sheeran is still playing his guitar on my speakers. I took a break from doing something that I love and that I will shortly go back to. And it’s not a man :)), its a technical book that I’m writing, that is yet another part of my legacy that I will leave to this world when I’ll be gone.

This and many fulfilling experiences would not have happened if you wouldn’t have decided to stop being in my way. I know you did it for the wrong reasons at the time, but currently I couldn’t care less.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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Apr 08 2017

You thought friend-zone was bad?

Category: English posts,MiscellaneousIuliana @ 20:33

Before telling you what is worse than friend-zone let me tell you a few things about me.

I did not have the occasion while growing up to cultivate friendships because my parents moved me from place to place, there was no internet, or even phones back then, and we were also poor, so keeping in touch with my friends once we’ve switched cities was not an option.
I studied in a technical high school and a technical university. Maybe the situation improved now, but when I did all those, there were not many girls interested in technical domains like computer engineering. So most of my colleagues were boys, and because we spent a lot of time together, few of them became good friends. Some of them are men now, they have wives and kids and the whole package, but they are still my friends. People that are lucky enough stay in one place they make friends among neighbors, among school colleagues, faculty colleagues, etc. I did not have any of these for a enough of a long time to build long-lasting friendships. Friends have changed over the years and the most lasting friendship that I have is 11 years long and going strong and he is a guy.

I currently work in a domain that for years used to be dominated by men, and in some countries, like Germany for example, still is.

And another information that might seem useless, but it will make sense soon: the love of my life died in 2001 and since then every relationship was a failure for me and I took the decision to stay away from romantic involvement, because I do not want to waste anybody’s time, not anymore.

Why have I told you all this? Because a while ago I met a new colleague and we seemed to be hitting it off right away. Not in a sexual attraction/romance way, in that “two peas in a pod”, “brother from another mother” way. The thing I like most when befriending adults, it is really easy to put everything on the table. We’re not insecure adolescent hormone bombs anymore, so you can make dirty jokes and say silly things without the worry of being interpreted in a different way. Because, we are adults, we accept that might happen and well… life goes on and not everybody must like you.

When a colleague asked me about this guy, I just told him straight away: “I think I have a geek crush!” Talking with him about tech, the company we both work for, peculiar movies and books is just time well spent. And I really really wanted to have a beer with this guy, because he seems really uncomfortable at work. So being the no-filter person that I am, I told him so. And that’s when it happened: he colleagued-zoned me. Yeap, this is worst than being friend-zoned. Because what it means, is that this person does not even want to be friends with you. Why did he do it? Well… something about his wife being jealous of him making a new friend that happens to also to be a girl. I can understand that, sort of.

But for me this was never a problem. If my ex-boyfriends would have gotten agitated every time I left the house to meet with my male colleagues, the relationships would have been much sorter. At some point I was going to some of my faculty colleagues houses to work on projects and faculty related stuff, colleagues that they did not even know. I was jealous in two of my relationships, but I had reasons to be. Of course looking back now I realize, that instead of being jealous I should have just ended it. But oh well, mistakes were made. Live some, learn some.

Of course after that chat I never dared saying another word to this guy. It’s not like I’m dying to befriend him or something. I can live well enough with the friends I have. But it just feels stupid. Here we are in a world where we are trying to convince people to treat men and women the same, but I can’t start building a friendship with a guy, because his wife gets jealous.

So yeah, I’ve been colleague-zoned. Achievement unlocked. :D

Stay safe, stay happy!

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