Dec 26 2017

The butterfly effect

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:22

When you do something do you ever think of the unknown consequences of your actions? Let say you walk down the street and you kick a stone changing its place. What could be the consequence of that action in 24 hours? What about 1 day? Or one month? Or one year or 100 years? Did you ever think what are the chances statistically, that a child might crouch down to lift up that stone, loose his balance and fall into the street and cause an accident? Seems an improbable scenario, right? And maybe too pessimistic and too creatively morbid, right?

Indeed, that is maybe too creative. I’ll ask you another question then: do you ever think of the long term consequences your actions and decisions have on your children?

Today I was visiting my parents and I stayed there for three painful hours. During these three hours there were some fights and some shouts, but some information made it’s way to my ears as well. Both my grandmothers were taken of school in the fourth grade so they can help around the house with their younger brothers, six and seven of them. Apparently they had a natural talent for learning, because they were able to get first prize(in Romania I think they are still rewarding the best pupils this way) even with little time to learn or do homework. Good news: intelligence runs in the family and seems to be “affecting” mostly females. :D Both my grandmothers never forgave their parents for stopping them from going to school. The one that died a month ago, was 87 years old and on her death bed she mentioned this again. She died pissed off on her parents, and blamed them for the mess of a life she had. Because even after 77 years she thought not being in school was one of the worst thing in her life and the first bad moment that allowed the rest of them to unfold.

I think most people say that, in life it is better to regret the things you did than those you didn’t. My grandmother regretted on her death bed that she did not go to school, and her parents were to blame for that. There were dead and buried a long time ago, but she could not forgive them. Maybe a psychologist could have helped, but Romanians believe psychologists are con-men.

What I’ve heard today made me sad. Not only because I found out yet another sad event in my grandmother’s life, but because I’m starting to think the consequences of my tormented childhood might never be healed. And my childhood was tormented because my mother never received a proper education in parenting, so she did what she thought best. She still thinks the regular beatings she blessed me and my sister with were justified and necessary. And those are just the physical abuse. I don’t really want to think about the emotional abuse right now.

So, how could I think of having a family and bringing a child into this world just to raise it broken? How can I break this bloody loop of bad decisions and abuse? How can I raise and educate a child when I am still a broken individual? How far away should I move to break this loop? How do I do it without feeling guilty for not being empathetic with my own parents?

And least, but not last, I asked them to give me one reason why I should have a child? An answer that I might give to my child one day if he or she asks me why I decided to bring them into this world. I asked them why did they have me and my sister. I would have loved a typical communist answer like “me and your father really loved each other and had a lot of good sex and because there was no contraception of the time you happened.” But they were not able to say that, because it was not true.

Well, no idea what is waiting for me in the future, but if I ever have a child, I really hope it is a girl. And I hope from my whole being that I will be able to guide her and help her develop her bright mind while keeping it whole. Because I’ll be damned if I continue this’s  bloodline of bright broken minds.

So if you read this and you have a child, reconsider your behaviour towards him or her. If you do not have a child yet, check if you and your partner have whole minds and as little frustrations as possible before choosing to have a child. Because there is a chance your child will never forgive you and die hating you, if you wrong him or her.

And this broken world is the consequence of broken people, wether we are able to accept it or not. So, let’s break this loop.

Dec 23 2017

În vizită pe acasă

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 13:06

Bună dragilor,

Cum v-am obișnuit deja, de trei ani încoace, în preajma sărbătorilor de iarnă vin înspre Iași ca să îmi văd familia și cei mai dragi prieteni. Mâine mă pornesc încolo (nu vă faceți grji, este cine să aibă grijă de casă și de pisică) și până pe 1 Ianuarie 2018 cînd mă pornesc înapoi spre Sibiu o să fiu  o să cam umblu între Iași, Piatra Neamț, Roman, Pașcani și Bacău, în funcție de cum vă aranjez în programul de vizite.

Așa că, dacă  vreți să ne vedem și când dați un semn, să văd cum mă învârt. Dacă doriți ceva din zona Ardealului, dacă doriți cărțile mele de Spring sau orice altceva, dați un semn până mâine.

Acestea fiind zise, vă urez sărbători liniștite și fericite.


Dec 17 2017

About sexual harassment

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:59

I did not want to write about this until the scandals toned down a little because it would have looked like I was “milking the cow”. But I need to address this because surprisingly I did not read anywhere an opinion similar to mine and I wonder why there not many people with a similar view.

If you take the sexuality element from the sexual harassment, all you are left with are some bullies, some sad individuals, that feel pleasure in making other people feel weak and in hurting them. Or in taking advantage of other people’s weakness. And unfortunately, most women are weaker, because this is how our species has evolved. We do have more feeble bodies and stronger minds. Because well, you need that in order to deal with shit that people stronger than you will do to you.

If we take the sexual element from sexual harassment and look at the bigger picture, we are left with a disturbing culture, in which strong individuals are allowed to treat weak individuals like shit. The bullies were raised by some parents that did not educate them properly in the civil spirit that humanity prouds itself with. Unfortunately, education and respect for any human being could control this kind of behaviour. And I say unfortunately, because education is something that is not prioritized in most countries.

The most ridiculous thing is this world is that we have religions, we have so many of them, and any religion in this world has a basic rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!” I can’t imagine that being sexually harassed and raped, is what Weinstein, Trump and others are actually what they desire done unto them.

The downside of all these scandals is that we might see gestures like stealing a kiss disappearing, because no man or woman will ever try this for fear of being accused of sexual harassment. The upside is that we currently have a generation growing up with a new sexual conduct that will lead to a lot more sane relationships. And sane relationships might mean more educated children, that will become more sane adults.

I really hope I will still be here to see it.

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Dec 07 2017

Experience cloud

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 11:12

I created this for a presentation about my experience and skills and I thought it belongs here.

The word cloud above covers all my 11 years of development so far and clearly reveals which topics I am best at. Although I always wished myself to become an agnostic developer, also known as a polyglot developer, after all these years I have to accept the fact that Java & Spring are clearly my strongest points.

Where should I go from now? Well… I have considered learning Kotlin for a while. ;)

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Nov 30 2017

Pro Spring 5 e-book giveaway

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 20:52

Hi guys,

I’m quite a young author, I only started writing technical books in 2015. This obviously means that I’m basically unknown in the industry, so I need to make a name for myself. I received a lot of emails with feedback from you, some of you have praised my books, some of you have also found mistakes that helped me prepare Erratas and make sure I spread useful and valid information.  I am grateful to you all and I hope I provided proper support for the books.  In order for me to continue writing, I need my books to sell.

That is why, if you bought my books, please post your reviews on Amazon, or on the Apress/ Springer official sites, or on your personal blog, or anywhere really. I need you to share your opinion about the books and the source code.

My last book, Pro Spring, it is a book already consecrated on the market and I hope I did a good job with its 5th revision. To make sure this book gets your attention Apress decided to give a few of you the e-book for free. The only thing you need to do is to send me your email. Another thing that will be nice of you to do, is to read the book and provide reviews for it Amazon and Apress/Springer sites, or on your personal blog, or anywhere really. ;)

The  way I see it is like this, you review my books and tell the world how great(I sure hope they are worth this attribute!) they are, my books sell and I am motivated to keep doing this. And Apress is convinced that I do good work and keeps giving me books to write.

So yeah, not quite give away, but close enough. I am waiting for your emails at iuliana[dot]cosmina[at]gmail[dot]com.

Thank you in advance!
You friendly technical author,
Iuliana Cosmina

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Nov 20 2017

The sunset of a tormented soul

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 7:05

I do not really like to write when I am sad, although psychologists definetly recommend it. The reason for that is that it looks like I am complaining and if I look at my life I feel guilty for doing so. Because honestly from the outside it looks like I am a whiny ungrateful person. Also, sadness is known to be quite contagious for empathetic persons and thus, I really do not want to do that to anyone.

But you know what, I need to do this. Last week my grandmother died. She was one of those persons that grow wiser with age and learned that if you want to have the people you love by your side for the short time that you have left you must put aside personal opinions that might represent obstacles in communication and stop judging people by your personal beliefs. I didn’t really like my family much while growing up and I realised that putting some distance between us is the only way to fix this. But I do wish I would have spent more time with her.

My mother made a small comment after the funeral, regarding who cried and who didn’t. I would not say it was malicious, it was merely a comment. But it got me thinking. Sure, when I found out she died, I was sad and cried a little. But at the same time I could not feel a little bit happy for my grandmother. She is free now. She is free from a body that was not functioning normally anymore, free from the small room she was confined too because she was so old and sick that she got dizzy when she walked. She is now free from a life that was not good to her. She was forcefully married to a man she did not love, and that drank and smoked until he withered away. She survived a war, she had for children and she had to live after one of them died. She fell down the stairs and her left hand never functioned properly. Really, she is now free. She is now really, at rest. She has suffered enough. She lived her life the best she could making the best with the cards she was dealt with.

She looked serene in her coffin, her small face was peaceful. She was laid to rest next to the man that drank his sadness away. I would really like if there was a place where they would meet again and maybe finally be friends.

Rest in peace grandma Clara!

Nov 04 2017

Ups and downs

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 0:10

Life has its ups and downs. I’ve had a lot of ups for two years now. It was about time for this nice period to end. It’s not like I am down, it’s just I have this nasty cold that gave me fever and headaches for more than a week. And I’m all alone taking care of myself and this makes me feel very vulnerable.

I am trying to do the things I normally enjoy. But all I do is waste time waiting for the night to come so I can sleep. And I get into bed hoping that while I sleep I find a solution for the mess I am in and at least my brains maybe stops thinking.

So I have a cold, that’s no big deal, right? But I’m all alone, felling vulnerable and weak, in a period when I’m in doubts about my job and the decisions I made this year. And I am also longing for the embrace of somebody that is one ocean away from me. Somebody that will never feel anything for me, but respect and  a platonic attachment. On, well, that’s something right?

It is scary as hell, this insecurity of the future. I am getting old and I should be getting wise, but I’m feeling stupid and unable to do anything right for a while now. I feel like I’m on a boat without a guiding system and just going with the waves, until an iceberg hit.

And I’ve been alienating people from my life, because I’ve felt this fall coming for a while and I did not want to affect anyone. Not this time.