Mar 07 2017

Just in a damn fine good mood

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 23:03

I started doing a lot of things this year. I am slowly steering my career into a new direction, I am writing a new book, I have at least two teaching activities and I am getting fit.(Or die trying :D) Sometimes it seems as I am biting more than I can chew, but then again I know myself better now. I lived for many years not trusting myself and always doubting my will and my abilities. Sometimes I still do that verbally. Sometimes I still do that in my mind. But when I lift my head up from my pillow and I see the sun shining in my window, I know that this new day, is just another day that if I use correctly it will bring me closer to my purpose.

What’s my purpose? To make this year a little bit better than the last one. To make me a little bit better this year. To bring my contribution to making my small universe a little bit better.

Sure, there will be stormy days, there will be bad troughs and low self-esteem. But they will pass. They always do.

I’m feeling particularly optimistic today, no idea why. It wasn’t such a good day, but here I am, after a good movie and some Sinatra, thinking positively about tomorrow.

I’ve been thinking a lot these days. You see, I had some many plans for this year. I wanted to take a sabbatical. I wanted to listen to John Mayer sing live. I wanted to go to Australia. Maybe US. I wanted to buy a house. I wanted to fall in love and try being with someone again. I wanted to learn to play guitar. I wanted to get my motorbike drivers license and a motorbike. None of this will happen, but some other things that I did not plan for will. And they are nonetheless amazing. And I am happy and grateful. There is one thing this year that might happen that will make me the happiest I’ve been in my lifetime. I’ll tell you about it in a month or so.

Sure, nothing in the TODO list will get done this year. But at least I’ve managed to get all my ducks in a row and get my shit together. That’s gotta count for something. ;)

After how my life started and how it unfolded over the years, I never thought I deserve to be this happy. I guess I was wrong.

Stay safe, stay happy!

Mar 05 2017

Always late to the party

Category: English posts,MiscellaneousIuliana @ 17:36

In Romania, we have an expression that goes like this: “Never run after women and never run after trains. Others will always come.” This also means, that if you missed your train, no matter how much you run, you will not catch it.  In English you have a similar, but shorter expression to describe people that miss their moment, “The ones that are always late to the party.

I am one of these people. Since I’ve been born I was always late to the party.

My first love died and never got to tell him how I really felt.

The second is happily married with a 5 or 6 year old kid that has his eyes. He probably does not know how much he meant to me either.

The third, well I could not have made it to that party unless I was born 20 years ago, because he is a lot older than me.

The forth, he’s either married, or he has given his heart to somebody else such a long time ago, that it does not belong to him anymore. I really do not want to know at this point.

I usually do not care. When I start caring, I become weak. I lose sleep and my imagination tries to compensate for the sadness of not being loved back, by giving me weird dreams. I turn to logic and try to turn cold. I hide behind my glasses and behind the awkwardness of my introvert nature. And I dive deep into work, I dive deep into sport. I make myself physically and mentally tired so I cannot think of my feelings anymore. I keep myself busy so I do not have time to think about feelings. I ignore them until they disappear, or turn into lesser versions that do not have the power to hinder my judgement.

Sometimes I lie to myself that what I’m doing is actually working on myself, becoming a better person, because I will meet him one day and he deserves to meet the best version of me. But sometimes, all my work and all my effort seems so pointless. I’m not doing this for me, I’m doing this for an imaginary lover that I might never meet, or miss him by a few hours, or years. Because that is how I roll, apparently.

I’ll just have to wait for the next party. Or train. Or man. Unless I die until then. And if I die, there’s not much loss anyway. We are all born and die without a reason or purpose, in a  few generations there will be almost no trace of the real us anyway. I’ll find comfort in my loneliness and pain, and I will use them as fuel to move forward. No idea towards what or whom.

And meanwhile, life goes on, the sun keeps shining.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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Mar 03 2017

Full speed ahead

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 21:44

Tonight I left work quite late. I’ve been struggling with a performance issue and an infinite loop in some code that was written years ago, that was undocumented, written in a very high cohesive manner and almost impossible to test, not unless you were willing to make a deal with the devil and selling a piece of your soul that is.

I like challenges, I like complicated people, I like complicate problems, but working on this task has drained me. While working on this task I thought about quitting a thousand times. And then I quit that idea. I love writing code, providing solutions, but this was not it. This was sisific work. And after all this time, finally one of the colleagues that has worked with this code from the beginning came in and saved the day. I am glad he did, because I could barely sleep while being haunted by that infinite loop, and when I did I had nightmares about being fired because I could not make it work.  Honestly, I don’t know why there is a team working with that code, because lately everyone working with that code managed to break something. Except for this guy, he is the only one that actually can make any change on it work.

And while torturing myself mentally and felling like the shittiest developer/architect/IT professional ever, I was offered the possibility to switch slowly to managing. When my manager told me on Tuesday that I have to get used to the idea that I won’t be writing code anymore, I was reluctant about it. But now, not so much. I am tired and I am disappointed. And most of all I realized that I do not want to code like this. I am sick of coding as a sanitary fish, to patch and fix POC’s of genius minds, that can solve complex problem, but they cannot share their knowledge. I like to think my architectures thoroughly, I like to write design documents and UML schemas. I like to write my tests simultaneously with my code.  This is the way I want to code. If I can’t do it this way, well… I’d rather not do it at all.

So yeah, I’m gonna write books and design projects the way I like to do it. And when it comes to company work, soon, it will be management. And if that does not work, I’ll just sell all my belongings and go travel the world until I’m left without money. And then I’ll just climb on top of  a high peak over the sea and jump, and end my life with a fast flight and a big splash.

Stay safe, stay happy!

Feb 27 2017

Iuliana’s log, stardate 13312.16

Category: English posts,MiscellaneousIuliana @ 0:44

I wanted to write something for a while, but stuff kept getting in the way. Since the last time I wrote something here’s what I did. I went to Fosdem, I started working on my new book,  registered to a hardcore fitness program called Limitless and got sick. And that’s about it. Let me tell you about each of these.

Fosdem was as boring as it was last year. Thank god for the waffles, the beer and the stickers, because presentations were not that catchy. OReilly’s was there selling books at really small prices. I don’t think I’m going next year. Fosdem presentations might be interesting for a high-school or university student, but for a software architect with more than 10 years of experience and technical author, not so much. I actually told my co-workers that most probably Fosdem won’t be interesting until I will hold a presentation there. ;)

The new book, I might have mentioned that, is Spring Pro, the 5th edition. I am modifying the sources wrapping them up together into a multi-module Gradle project. I will try to add code samples with everything new introduced in Spring 5 and I hope to send the manuscript on the 31st of August. I don’t know what else can I say. I have already submitted the first three chapters, so I think the book will happen.

The fitness program, well that was a long time coming. I do not have a weight problem, I have an agility and resistance problem. So I don’t think it would be that bad to lose some weight and get fit. I’m in the second month of Limitless and I love it. It gets me so tired that I just take a shower and go directly to sleep in the training days. And I learned to eat more and healthier.

When I left for Fosdem I felt a little uneasy, but I could not quite pinpoint the cause. The first night in Bruxelles made it obvious though. I had a few periods of fever over the night and I woke up with a head-ache. I decided to try to suck it up and fix it when I will get home. So I made the effort and almost succeed. Almost, because when coming back, I did not feel comfortable driving from Cluj to Sibiu. Anyway, I got back home, and although I felt a little light-headed, I thought it will pass. Then my throat started hurting, and it kept on for three days. And when I put my head on the pillow, the cough started. I tried anything for that, but still manage to only sleep 2-3 hours per night. I got pills, I worked from home and on Saturday morning after a few sauna sessions, I was standing next to my car, looking at the sun and smelling the spring air. The sun was shining, the spring was coming and I could breathe easily. On Sunday I woke up with difficulty to breathe. It felt like there was something pressing my chest. And it was not the cat at this point. Went to the doctor, got antibiotics. Three fucking weeks of antibiotics! At the end of the first week I felt way better. And then my throat started hurting again. And I had a runny nose, because why not? So yeah, apparently it is possible when you are full of antibiotics for a cold, to just catch a different cold virus. Every time I get a cold, I keep thinking, how the hell are we supposed to heal HIV and cancer, when we cannot design a vaccine to cure the cold viruses? And the irony in all this? I am so paranoid about getting a cold that I’m usually very careful: I take vitamins, I eat healthy and I get out of the house dressed according to the season. I am the last person you would expect to catch a cold. But here I am, I’ve been cold since the 3rd of February and it is not over yet.

I am now writing from Frankfurt. I am here for an important meeting and I have an uneasy feeling. I had it all week. No idea why. I hope nothing will go wrong.

Stay safe, stay happy!


Feb 15 2017

Win some, lose some

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 22:48

Writing in English on this blog has its advantages. The first advantage is that I can reach a wider public.  The second is that my knowledge of the English language is improving.(I hope). The third advantage is that friends of other nationalities can also read me and have a feeling of keeping in touch with me.

The disadvantage of all this is that MySQL crashes more often, as more readers, under the hood means more connections to the database. And thus, the memory leaks of such a competent software kinda make the memory insufficient for the said software to run.  I know, I know I have to learn how to configure it better. But guys, I’m not a MySQL Administration savy, and I do not have the time right now to become one either.

So what did I do? The easiest thing, I used something I know: Linux and bash scripting. I created a cron job to restart MySQL every two weeks. I can only hope my script will stop and start the service, before it kills itself because of the memory leaks.

But, just in case,  here it goes: I am asking for help. This blog is hosted on Ec2 micro machine. If you have a smart configuration for MySQL that will make my cron job useless, please send it to me via email, or just put it here in a comment so me and other busy part-time bloggers like me will put it to good use.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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Feb 12 2017

Politețea …

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 23:03

… este atât de rară, încât atunci când cineva este politicos cu mine, am impresia ca flirtează de fapt cu mine.

Cum prea bine știți de acum, am scris două cărți tehnice de Spring. Și lucrez la a treia. Asta n-o știa prea multă lume. Eh, de acum știți. Cărțile astea au niște proiecte atașate, proiecte pe care le-am pushuit pe GitHub. Sursele sunt oricum publice deci n-avea rost să nu îmi cresc reputația pe GitHub cu ele.

La finele anului trecut Apress, probabil împins de la spate de partenerul mai puternic Springer, s-a gândit că este momentul să intre în sfârșit în secolul 21 și să urce sursele tuturor cărților pe GitHub, ca să nu mai stea cu ele pe FTP ca neanderthalul. Numai că persoana ce s-a ocupat de asta nu a făcut treaba chiar profesional. Mai exact, a luat direct arhivele de pe Sharepoint și le-a urcat pe GitHub, prin operația asta să bușească una din arhive.

Te-ai aștepta ca oamenii ce au cumpărat cărțile să îi contacteze să le spună de boroboață. Nope. Oamenii respectivi preferă să îmi scrie emailuri direct mie. Ceea ce nu e rău … doar că, puii mei, dacă ai ajuns la emailul meu, nu poți să te uiți mai întâi pe contul meu de GitHub? În fine, nu despre asta vreau să scriu, dar ajung și acolo.

După ce dau oamenii de surse, încep emailurile: de ce nu merge aia? unde găsesc aia? Uneori îmi vine să urlu: RTFM!!! sau AFG(Ask Freaking Google). Sincer acum, dacă citești cartea nu ai cum să nu înțelegi cum merge una sau alta.   Dar, nah, oamenii ăștia mi-au făcut minunata favoare de a-mi cumpăra cartea, deci sunt un drăguță. În contractul meu nu scria că voi face suport pentru cărțile astea, așa că faptul că le răspund mă face o persoană destul de decentă zic eu. Pentru asta m-aș aștepta la un email cu: Mersi fain, acum merge! sau orice pe acolo. Ei bine nu. Nu tu mulțumesc, nu tu o zi bună. Nimic tată.

Și nu, nu sunt români. Sunt de toate națiile. Încep serios să cred că suntem o societate de idioți cu zero skilluri sociale. Nici eu nu sunt perfectă. Am momente când mă gândesc că meme-ul ăla cu foca anxioasă a fost gândit special pentru mine.  Dar în conversații directe și pe email sunt cel mai politicos om posibil. Te rog, mulțumesc și o zi bună sunt nelipsite din aproape orice email, fie el personal sau profesional.

Dar asta sunt eu, ceea ce e ironic, pentru că în tinerețile mele am fost numită impertinentă și nesimțită. Asta desigur, fiindcă eram foarte selectivă cu oamenii pe care îi salutam sau le ofeream respectul ăla implicit pe care societatea îl cere unui minor să îl acorde oricărui adult.

Deci da, dacă aveți de-a face cu mine și vă mulați pe șablonul meu de partener perfect, grijă mare cu politețea, că mă îndrăgostesc ușor. :)


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Feb 02 2017

Se întâmplă lucruri halucinante în lumea asta

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 12:16

În US din cauza unor interese ale unor politicieni corupți voința poporului s-a dus pe pustie și a ieșit Trump președinte. Pentru că sistemul de electori pe baza căruia Trump a fost ales a fost inventat de niște politicieni, pentru politicieni. Milioane de oameni în stradă nu îl pot împiedica să ia decizii care vor întoarce țara aia cu câteva zeci de ani în urmă. Ceea ce e mult pentru o țară cu o istorie de 500.

În România, politicienii își dau legi care îi avantajează, pe față, în miezul nopții, iar sute de mii ieșiți de oameni ieșiți în strada nu îi impresionează. De ce s-ar lăsa impresionați la urma urmei? Ei își permit oameni de pază plătiți cu banii din taxele noastre. Apoi, mai este și faza că sunt foarte slabe șanse ca protestatarii să devină violenți. De ce? Simplu, avem câteva generații fără stagiu militar obligatoriu. Da știu, armata e nașpa, dar e normal să fie așa, trebuie să te întărească fizic și psihic pentru un eventual conflict. Noi nu vom putea face o revoluție violentă, dacă se ajunge la asta noi vom fi măcelăriți fără prea multă rezistență. Pe lângă absența stagiului militar, noi am crescut cu filmulețe faith in humanity restored, am crescut cu ideea că lucrurile făcute corect aduc mai multă satisfacție, cu ideea că se poate să reușești să ai succes în țara asta fără compromisuri, pupincurism și mită. Am crescut cu ideea că jobul lor este să administreze țara asta competent ca să ne fie tuturor bine. Am fost crescuți cu ideea că dacă nu ești corect nu poți dormi noaptea. Am crescut cu ideea că politicienii sunt lideri nu stăpâni. Și ei tocmai ne-au dat cu firma-n cap și și-au dat arama pe față. Suntem niște generații de oameni faini, blânzi și îngăduitori. Noi suntem predispuși la comunicare și negociere. Nu la violențe. Iar ei profită de asta.

Ce au cele două țări în comun? Generații de votanți cu mentalități similare și politicieni cărora li se fâlfâie.

Și de când au început toate chestiile astea să se întâmple nu pot decât să mă întreb: cum e posibil să existe atâtea lichele în lumea asta? Din ce părinți au ieșit? Familiile și prietenii lor sunt și ei lichele? Cum reușesc oamenii ăștia să doarmă noaptea?