Sep 23 2016

The liking bias

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 22:18

A year ago or so, while being in an airport a book has attracted my attention and I bought it: The Art of Thinking Clearly, by Rolph Dobelli. This book covers quite a lot of logic fallacies that humans fall prey in their existence and they do not even realize it.  I consider myself quote a rational person, some friends say I m hyper-rational most of the times. Because there are a lot of cases where people use their gut or inference, while I am paranoid enough to read the manual, there are a lot of cases where people take things for granted while I am yet again paranoid and always fearful things will go wrong.

I started reading this book again because I keep repeating the same mistake when it comes to people I get close to and I found there is a fallacy that fits my case. It is called the Liking Bias: the more we like a person the more we are inclined to buy from them or help and support them. Simple. And then there are the reasons why we like someone:

  • they are outwardly attractive
  • they are similar to us in terms of origin, personality or interests
  • they like us

I look of those three reasons and I realize the middle one applies to me the most. Why? Because of my childhood. I did not have the happiest childhood. I always felt weird, out of place, like a piece of puzzle forced in the wrong place. So it only makes sense that I am attracted by people that seem weird and out of place. I am still a peculiar person so I cannot escape this one. I live mostly in my head and my imagination is my best companion. I am over-paranoid, I do not trust people, I have really, really low self-confidence and a lot of social anxiety, I cannot look people in the eyes, thus I kinda avoid people. I also live in a 1 and 0 world and refuse to accept shades of grey. I am an atheist, but I believe in soul-mates. I love my cat and car, more than I love most people. I love Early Grey with milk and Sinatra in the morning. And I hate sleeping. I am always worried about my weight and drink beer like a German. I also like The Script, Marilyn Manson and Darren Hayes. I sometimes express myself in songs to people. The only thing I am scared in this world is falling in love and becoming irrational, that is why relationship beginnings are always bumpy with me, because the more they attract me, the more I try to run away from them. So I do consider myself weird and I cannot understand for the life of me why somebody would like me and want to be with me romantically speaking. That is why, when I meet somebody that seems to be even as remotely as misfit as me I become smitten, and put my whole being at their mercy: heart and soul.

It has never gone well. No idea what to do here. It all comes down to childhood I guess, we all accept the love we think we deserve. But what if subconsciously I consider that I do not deserve to be loved? Because… oh well… nevermind. I’ll just have to call my psychologist again, because I’m over-thinking this. Anyway, read Rolf Dobelli’s book. It is awesome at showing you the errors of your logic that you have no control over. :D

Stay safe, stay happy!


Sep 22 2016

How to find your place in the world

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 13:54

I have lived on this planet for over thirty three years. I have complied to other people rules. I have done things because I thought they were right. I have given up fights because others told me it was the right thing to do. I have cried my eyes out for love. I have worked my nights to ignore a broken heart. I have have been homophobic and judgemental. I have done so many mistakes I lost count. I’ve had so many regrets I became bitter. I have experienced love, pain, loss, success. There is a happiness in pain when you are just so glad you are still able to feel something. And there is a pain in success when you realize that when you die … it really, really does not matter. Nothing really matters actually. Then why do it?

Fuck me if I know. All my life I expected to reach the next level in life, to find out there is nothing there but waiting for the next level.

And right now I am seriously considering going back one level.

Did you really expected to find here the answer to your question? Well, rest assured, when I’ll find my own place in the world, I’ll make a tutorial for you. :D

Stay safe, stay happy!


Sep 17 2016

So far away

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:02

I am waking up on a cozy sofa, sun shining happily in my window. Across the street the light green field is full with seagulls chasing who knows what in the grass. I saw them every morning this week. The city of Edinburgh is waking up slowly. I get out of the bed and start the tea-maker to enjoy my last Earl Gray with milk in this lovely city.

Edinburgh is a city like no other, alive but cozy, full of culture and with a rich past that transpires through every building still standing for more than 100 years and every new building that was build respecting the old casterly exterior. Yes, casterly, as in, looking like a castle.

When people say “the grass is greener on the other side” I like to think they are talking about Scotland now, because the green is greener and more joyfull here. Folks here say it is the humidity that makes the grass a happy green. Believe me you’ve never seen happier shades of green anywhere in the world. And though the island climate does not allow many sunny days, the afire green of Scotland makes their parks and golf courses look heavenly.

The Scots are proud, but gentle people. They are educated, open minded but modest and helpful. They are proud of their history and their struggle to keep their cultural identity alive and kicking. The myths about Scots being greedy are a fabrication.

I love Edinburgh, in only six days it has become one of my favorite cities that I will take into consideration when moving out of Romania. This I say it now, when I am far away from home, in this cozy apartment next to Craigmiller’s castle. I am so far away from everything that I love, from everything that hurts me, from my normality. Maybe I will make this city a part of my normality one day.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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Sep 03 2016

Paste creative cu urechi de urs și spanac

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 13:54

(For non-Romanian readers: this post is a pasta recipe that I invented myself and I was asked by a friend to post it here. If any of you is curious about it, comment and ask for a translation. I am really busy and I can’t do it at the moment, but I will do my best in case one of you asks me to.)

De multe ori am tendința să merg la cumpărături deși aș putea sa gătesc ce am prin casă și așa ajung să am dulapurile pline de provizii de care uit. Așa că azi am schimbat foaia și am încercat să improvizez ceva cu ce aveam prin gospodărie. Și mi-au ieșit niște paste demne de Master Chef. Așa că am decis să vă împărtășesc rețeta. Nu știam ce nume să le pun ca să le patentez :D așa că m-am legat de ingredientele principale: ciuperci urechi de urs și spanac. Așa că asta e rețeta mea de Paste creative cu urechi de urs și spanac.

Ingrediente

  • 4 căței de usturoi (minim, eu am pus toată căpățâna)
  • 1 morcov
  • 3 linguri de ulei de măsline sau orez
  • o mână de ciuperci urechi de urs deshidratate
    2016-09-03 13.13.56
  • un ardei roșu mic (sau o jumătate dintr-unul mare, ideea e, tăiat cubulețe să fie aproximativ  o mână)
  • 1 linguriță sos pesto
  • 10 frunze de busuioc tăiate mărunt
  • 100 g tăieței din orez (Tao-Tao din Carrefour)
    2016-09-03 13.13.40
  • o mână sau două de spanac
  • parmezan la discreție, praf sau dat pe răzătoare
  • o mână de stafide sau goji berries (opțional)

Pași de execuție

  1. Într-un castron se pun la rehidratat ciupercile urechi de urs. Se pune apă călduță cât să le acopere și încă vreo 2 cm. Trebuie să stea la rehidratat cam 1 ora și vor absorbi destul de multă apă. Dacă vi se pare că nu este îndeajuns de multă apă, mai adăugați. Ideea e să nu o absoarbă pe toată.
  2. Spanacul se spală și scutură bine de apă și se pune la congelator. (Vrem să înghețe să devină casant, ca să nu ne chinuim să îl tăiem)
  3. Într-o oală cu fund gros se pune uleiul și se aruncă peste el morcovul și usturoiul tăiat mărunt ( eu am folosit robotul). Se pune capac pe oală și se încălzesc la foc mic.
  4. Când începe să sfârâie, se învârt de câteva ori cu pauze apoi se aruncă peste ele ardeiul tăiat cubulețe. Se lasă la rumenit în continuare.
  5. Când vi se pare să ardeiul este puțin pătruns, adăugați ciupercile urechi de urs cu tot cu apa rămasă și adăugați stafidele, lingurița de sos pesto și sare după gust.
  6. Se amestecă bine și trebuie să rezulte un amestec destul de lichid încât să se poată înmuia tăiețeii. Dacă nu este destul de lichid, completați cu apă și amestecați înainte de a pune tăieței. Amestecați bine să fiți siguri că tăiețeii sunt bine acoperiți cu sos și lăsați 2 minute pe foc cu capac, pentru a se înmuia bine.
  7. Când tăiețeii au devenit transparenți și flexibili, scoateți spanacul și adăugați-l. Dacă e destul de înghețat se va sfărâma destul de ușor cu o spatulă. Amestecați bine și lăsați 1 minut cu capac, pentru a se pătrunde bine spanacul.
  8. Adăugați două linguri de parmezan și busuiocul și amestecați bine până se topește parmezanul și pastele încep să se lege.
  9. Luați de pe foc și serviți cu parmezan.

Ale mele cam așa arătau: 2016-09-03 09.19.35

Merg servite și cu așa ceva:2016-09-03 11.45.29

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Aug 18 2016

Happy birthday to me!

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 12:00

I just had a chat with my mom. Apparently I was born at 03:00 AM. I’ll just leave it here for future use. :)
The images below were sent to me by two colleagues. I’ll leave them here as well, in case next year will not be as great as this one. :D
fireworks

 


Aug 18 2016

The adult me

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 0:50

When I was little I imagined that the adult me would be a perfect wife and mother. All I wanted for my future self was a family better than the one I had. Because that’s what I thought that people should have, that seemed to be the path for everyone. So I could not imagine myself doing anything else with my life but having a family, being a wife and a mom.

But here I am, more than 20 years later, living alone with a cat and feeling quite content about it. I hear people talking about their family life, about their children and for a moment I feel a little bitter that I cannot offer any input about that. I imagine them for a moment in the comfort of their nice cozy homes full of love and morning light and feel envy. For a moment I wish I had all that. And then reality comes back and I realize that because of my current situation there is little chance of me ever having it and my best chance of mental survival is to accept this.

It is not about age, it is about the fact that I never stayed too long in a place to form connections with people. This wasn’t always my decision, but the last time it was. And I chose a small city, where people get married early in their lives. I chose a small company with most people working here a lot younger than me. And we tend to fall in love with people we get to know well and feel comfortable to be around. And this kind of relationship evolves in environments like school and at work. I lost my chance in school, because I was too busy studying and preparing for the career I have now. And at work… well I do not feel comfortable mixing pleasure with business. My other passions are reading and sports and a lot of other loner activities. So you see, my context does not allow for me to form this kind of relationship. And I’m ok with this; I have other advantages, like absolute freedom for example.

The only moments when I yearn for a cozy house that’s full of love and morning light is when I meet some people that I am attracted to. Because all that makes sense only if there is somebody else to share that with. But from my previous experience I know that people that I am attracted to, they are either bad for me or not meant for me.

I hope I am an adult now, people around me probably see me as crazy, immature or complicated, I might be a little bit of all. I have my moments or sadness, I have my moments of joy. I have moments when I wish my life would be different and I have moments when I am so content with my life I that I expect the end to come, because there can be nothing more than this.  I might not know exactly what I want all the time, but at least I know for sure what I do not want. That’s enough for now.

Happy birthday to me!


Aug 01 2016

To The Moon And Back

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 11:37

I first heard this song in 1997 and it was love at first chord. As you probably know by now I love guitar and I love meaningful lyrics and this song has them both. Watch the video, read the lyrics underneath and then continue reading.

The video you just watched is the one I first saw. It is raw and seems cheap, but I love it more than the US version that you can see here. I loved the song when I was barely a teenager because all I desired was for a ticket to a world where it would have been acceptable for me and Bogdan to be together. But he is gone now, this year it will be the 15th I lived without him. And I am living my life trying to keep the little of him I can alive: his sense of humor, his way of looking at things in a lightly manner, like nothing was too serious and everything could be achieved, every difficulty overcome, his way of smiling by lifting up the left corner of his lips and the most important his trust in me, that I can do anything if I just work hard enough because I am smart and have a lot of willpower.

I will always love that song because it is representative for the way I am. Because my parents had their difficulty in expressing their feelings, I am shying away from human affection. I yearn for it but I can’t recognize it in people. Love is red, so far I have been color blind. The journey to find love is complex and intricate and if there’s a map for it, nobody told me about it.

But like I said before, the hope to find your soul mate, leaves you only on your death bed. Nothing can take it away, and unless I die tomorrow, I have a lot of time to fix my eyesight and start seeing red.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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