Aug 02 2021

The breaking point

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 22:48

When the lockdown started last year, I was quite happy, finally I could replace my lunch with a run and keep in shape. Sounded like a plan, right?

And it worked too, until it didn’t. For the last 5 years or so I’ve been 63 kilograms in weight. I was not happy about it, but I had other priorities and I was still pretty good looking and athletic, so I was ok with that. Some skirts and dresses were a little tighter, but that gave me curves so, I was not that upset.

Problem is, two weeks ago I tried some of my pre-pandemic dresses and they no longer fit me. Those dresses were bought after my last break-up, when I was trying to prove myself that I am beautiful, and feminine and I had style; and I barely wore them. Well, I could buy other dresses, I can afford it, but I love those dresses. Plus, the problem is that I keep getting fat or heavy, (call it whatever you want, I insist on calling myself fat to motivate myself from losing it; the more negative the better) at a somewhat barely chill rate. So, I don’t really see it or feel it unless I get on the scale.

I tried one dress after the other, while hyperventilating and swearing and crying at the same time. I hated myself for allowing this to happen. I went then to the scale. It showed 65 kilograms. I’ve put 2 kilograms during lockdown.

And what did I do? Did I go to the gym? Did I stop eating? No. I started eating out of sadness and frustration. And this week on Thursday, showed 66 kilograms. I added 1 kilogram in two weeks.

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Aug 01 2021

The August Challenge

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 23:36

I want to force myself into the habit of writing on this blog more often. So for the month of August, I’ve given myself the challenge to write an entry however small every day.

I have a varied list of topics that I will be covering this month, from having a panic attack because I no longer fit my pre-pandemic dresses to how I will be celebrating my birthday this yeah. I indented to write about them for a while, but life always got in the way, and I had to prioritize other things.

But it is time I discipline myself, so here is my trying. I might fail, I might skip a day or two, but I will give my best shot to do this.

This is my first August entry. Enjoy the rest of the month.

Stay safe, stay happy!


Jul 30 2021

10 things you will regret when you’re older

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 2:12

I come across article like these from time to time and the initial reaction is: damn sure I want to live my life in such a way that I won’t regret a thing. So I am going to hijack this trend to inject my own opinions into Google. These articles must be taken with a grain of salt, because they cause you to worry in the present about having regrets in the future. And the future is an abstract concept, so worrying about it is worth it only if you actually have something to worry about and are willing to put some work in the present to stop worrying in the future.

One of the things most people say you will regret when you are older is following the crowd to fit in or earn approval. Yeah, you will regret it if you do it until the day you die. If you, do it for a while to build a social circle or to take some steps on your career ladder, you won’t regret it that much. And, if you are lucky following the crowd will help you define your boundaries and decide the right crowd to follow or to lead.

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Jul 28 2021

What to do, what to do?

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 3:10

I’m going to start again with that thing that has become a leitmotif of this site: I grew up poor. How poor? Well, not extremely poor. I was lucky enough to have a roof over my head and furniture. Sure, I was reminded quite often that none of that belonged to me nor had I any right over it and when I’m 18 I’d better start working towards getting my own. These kind of entries usually start with something that has happened to me at that time and how it had affected my future and how I’ve overcame it or learned to deal with the consequences. This entry is about … furniture. Yeah, I know, you are pretty discombobulated(yes, I’ve learned a new word and this is such a cool word because looks and sounds as it is not a real word, but it is) right now, but trust me, I have a point to make.
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Jul 27 2021

Truly Like Lightning Book Review

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 2:12

Remember how in February I was dying to get my hands on David Duchovny’s last book Truly Like Lightning? Well, I did, and I read it and … there is no reason to beat it around the bush this is my least favourite of his books, and this includes Holy Cow.

What is it about? I’m not sure how much how to tell you without divulging too much, because apparently there will be a movie based on it. But I will give it a try.

This book, up to a point, is David Duchovny’s wet dream of being able to love all the important women in his life without them being jealous of each other, without him being considered a cheater and without being labeled as a womanizer. His solution was to project himself onto a character that is a Mormon. And because the book events happen in current day and age, when polygamy is frowned upon, this Mormon happens to inherit a huge, isolated piece of land where he can … live with his Mormon family in the Mormon way. And because in the middle of nature you have to be pretty able to grow your own food, or hunt it, his main character is morphed into this Mormon very able bodied cowboy.

You know how in 50 shades of Grey, all the men seem to fancy Ana? Well, all women in this book seem to fancy Bronson, the main character, the Mornom Cowboy. How do I know David Duchovny projected himself on this character? Because one of the characters makes an observation I made about David Duchovny when I first saw him on stage, in Amsterdam, in 2016.  Sample:

Yup, David Duchovny has great strong arms, that are not quite proportional to the rest of his body. Impressive taken by themselves, but they look pretty weird when you take him as a whole. At least for me, because I have a thing about proportions.

Anyway, one of the female characters notices that the Mormon Cowboy has really strong and bulked up arms and she is turned on by this. Also, the same character is fascinated by how handsome this rugged man in his 50’s is.

Well, if I was to make the imagination exercise and put David Duchovny in Bronson’s shoes… well booths, since I’ve met him twice, I can agree with the character he is. He really is handsome, despite his disproportionate arms. (hi hi!)

As for the book – it is well written. It does a good job at presenting the downside of both worlds, the modern one and the little rural, isolated, sanitized one. I think some of the characters could have been developed a little bit more. Reading this book as an atheist, makes me despise religion even more, and makes me despise the people willing to indoctrinate children that are unable to discern right from wrong even more. The clash between those worlds it cathartic and without resolve. There is no conclusion, because there cannot be. There is no way for any world to win, to be declared better than the other. At the end of the book, the characters are in disarray, as they should be. There is no character growth for anybody, except a single character that decides to stop kissing her boss’s ass and take off for another city, another career.

It was a good, quick read, but it hasn’t moved me as much as Bucky Fucking Dent. Should you read it? Depends on what you usually read and if this entry has made you curious, go for it. Reading anything is better than not reading after all.

I really wish my review could have been filled with appreciative attributes like fantastic, incredible, mesmerizing and moving, but I really cannot describe this book that way. I am no literary critic, but this book is just … plain.

Stay safe, stay happy!


Jun 27 2021

Giving you my two cents about three important topics

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 14:51

Be prepared for a roller coaster, because this entry is about UK politics. Yes, guys I am going there. I’ve lived in this country for three years, I intend to live here until the end of my days, unless they kick me out, or I meet a sexy New Zealander that decides to make an honest woman out of me and move to New Zealand with him and my cats. So, I care, I want to know more and I have opinions. Nobody asked for me to share them, but I don’t care about that.

Here’s my two cents on Brexit. It’s a shitty thing to do, being part of a group of countries has its advantages, the only one that comes to my mind is little or no taxes for import/export operations. And UK being a damn island with a shitty climate, I imagine would appreciate being able to import various types of food with ease.

But, looking at how Romania has managed to funnel EU money over the years for various projects, including the latest acquisition of electric trams worth 2 million euros, from Turkey, lead by Erdogan, that was paid 80% by the EU I kinda’ get  David Cameron’s reason for starting Brexit. I mean, why “donate” money to develop poor countries, only for the politicians of those countries to get fatter, when … you could get fatter on your own country’s public money, right? And believe me, the last thing Timisoara needs is electric trams. But what do I know, I don’t live there, right?

Brexit is a difficult subject and being able to have a vehement position for or against it, is a sign of narrow thinking.

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Jun 23 2021

The one where I have yet another epiphany

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 2:46

I must confess I pretty much forced myself to write this entry.  When I do not write for a long time my friends start to worry. The only two reasons I stop writing is because I am either swamped with work, or I’m in a depressive bout.

Anyway, I’m still not fully ok, but I will be, and I will write an entry about this dark period at some point. However, today I had a realization and I want to write about it.
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