Sep 26 2016

Iuliana’s log, Stardate 13340.04

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 4:05

This week has been a good one. Autumn is coming, the mornings are cold and the sun rises after I rise from my bed and start my day, but I am slowly getting used to it.  The last weeks have been a little rough. I fell in love with someone. Actually  I do not know if I have fallen in love with him, or the potential man he could be one day. Because if there is one thing I’m a fool for, is men with potential. And this is stupid, because I see myself as a catalyst for their growth. When what I need right now is somebody to be a catalyst for me. I am human like everybody else and I often confuse what I want with what I need just like obese people want to eat a lot of good stuff when they need to exercise and take better care of their diet.

But, this is not about me and my almost broken heart. I was lucky this time, my heart has not been broken, just my ego got a little bruised. But if life taught me anything until now, everything fades away. I just have to give it time, make new memories and work a lot to stop the sad thoughts from overwhelming me and slowly drift into depression.

This  post is not about me. This post is about Bogdan. Since I started this blog I’ve written at least one entry about him each year. If you use the tag you can probably see them all. You can read what I hoped his life would have been like, you can read what he meant to me and why. He is just another person that died too soon and I would gladly give half of my live to have him in front of me for a minute. I still wonder why he had to die and a useless piece of meat like me got to live. I am sure he would have had a great life. I am sure he would not be alone right now writing about random and useless stuff on a blog nobody reads.

I had my share of pain before he died and I’ve had my share of pain after he died. I am sure more pain is to come. Which is ok, because I am cold and strong and I can take it. I did the best I could with my life. I still wish he could be here to see it though. I still wish we could have drank that bloody beer to celebrate I was admitted into faculty. I still wish I would have told him how much I loved him. He would have laughed and told me I’m being funny. And I would have smiled and said that’s the way I am, a funny little creature.

If there is such thing as a soulmate, he was mine. I don’t think I had the guts to call him my soulmate until now. This is the 15th year I lived without him. I never thought I would make it this far. I never thought his memory would haunt me for 15 years. But here I am. Sleepless. Sad. In mourning.

Love, I’ll see you next lifetime. I’ll be there.

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