Mar 19 2017

Freaky brains

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 20:38

I was just talking to a good friend of mine and he just told me he was doing some work around the house and he started day-dreaming about some old time in his life when we were living together and I was wearing some sort of dress. And I just had a realization, if it’s good or bad I don’t know but here it goes.

When I think of the past, I only think of not so pleasant things. It’s actually really easy to do, because there were not many pleasant things anyway. But I digress. Really, when I think of the past, I tend to get lost only in bad memories. I do that because I want to educate myself to appreciate the present. Because it’s not all good days and sunshine, but it is not that bad either. My life is way better now than it was for the first 30 years of my life. So when I tend to slip into dark thoughts about the present, I think of bad things in my past, to have something way worst to compare it to. I do not know if this is normal or not, but this is what I do.

When I day-dream, I day-dream about the future. I dream about my future career and my plans, I dream about cities I will see and people I will meet. I day-dream about unreal scenarios involving people that I know in different contexts, I day-dream cartoons and movies that were not made yet. But I rarely day-dream about good times in my past. And if I do it is really short. And the strangest thing is when people start telling me about great things I did for them in the past, and I cannot remember them. And it makes me sad a little, because I really… really want to remember things that were meaningful to others, because they should be meaningful to me as well, right?

No idea why I am this way. Maybe it is a survival mechanism. Maybe I’m stuck mentally at my child-adolescent level, when all I wanted was for time to fly faster and to wake up when I’m an independent adult with the strength to work and fight for what I need and want. All I did as a child/adolescent was to read, learn and dream of better times.

Maybe I’m defective. But maybe it is in a good way.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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