Apr 04 2017

The Default People

Category: English posts,PersonalIuliana @ 23:49

A lot of time I tried to match the pattern of a default life. The first Trainspotting movie told it in a blunt way:

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television.Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin can openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning…

 

Of course, the quote is longer and it ends by praising heroin usage. I just kept what fits my post. Most of us that grow in sort-of normal families and are encouraged to follow a development pattern, the same one described in the above quote. Not all parents force you to follow the pattern, but they kinda expect you to and some of them strongly express their disappointment if you fail to follow the pattern. My parents are such creatures, are disappointed in me because I did not follow the pattern. They praised this development pattern so much, that sometimes even I, fall from my passion driven high horse into the muddy waters of disappointment with myself. When this happens I just watch an episode of House, Sherlock or Elementary and then go to sleep. In the morning, the feeling is gone and I get into “planning” a new day mode.

Having a career, job, family, a house with a white fence that you pay monthly for 30 years and parents in law to visit for any holiday is the default mode of this world. It’s nice and it’s comfy. It is expected and it is praised.

I think I’ve always been a glitch. If I look back and analyze my past, a lot of things never made sense. I made unexpected decisions and I always seen the world differently than 99% of my peers. I felt like a misfit for this. I had low self-esteem and went to a psychologist to try to understand what is wrong with me.

I kept expecting frustrations related to me not being able to follow the development pattern to grow proportionally with my age, but as time passes I embrace more and more the anomaly that I am. I learn to appreciate the strong points and make them even stronger. Sure, I will probably never have a mate and never share my genes with the world, but my legacy will be in every developer I train, in every book I write and every person I help grow personally and professionally.

I’m not sure how much my memory will last, but in the end, the entire universe gets born and dies without reason or purpose. We are all dust in the wind, and when I will turn to dust, that is a pattern I will finally be able to match.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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