Nov 20 2017

The sunset of a tormented soul

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 7:05

I do not really like to write when I am sad, although psychologists definetly recommend it. The reason for that is that it looks like I am complaining and if I look at my life I feel guilty for doing so. Because honestly from the outside it looks like I am a whiny ungrateful person. Also, sadness is known to be quite contagious for empathetic persons and thus, I really do not want to do that to anyone.

But you know what, I need to do this. Last week my grandmother died. She was one of those persons that grow wiser with age and learned that if you want to have the people you love by your side for the short time that you have left you must put aside personal opinions that might represent obstacles in communication and stop judging people by your personal beliefs. I didn’t really like my family much while growing up and I realised that putting some distance between us is the only way to fix this. But I do wish I would have spent more time with her.

My mother made a small comment after the funeral, regarding who cried and who didn’t. I would not say it was malicious, it was merely a comment. But it got me thinking. Sure, when I found out she died, I was sad and cried a little. But at the same time I could not feel a little bit happy for my grandmother. She is free now. She is free from a body that was not functioning normally anymore, free from the small room she was confined too because she was so old and sick that she got dizzy when she walked. She is now free from a life that was not good to her. She was forcefully married to a man she did not love, and that drank and smoked until he withered away. She survived a war, she had for children and she had to live after one of them died. She fell down the stairs and her left hand never functioned properly. Really, she is now free. She is now really, at rest. She has suffered enough. She lived her life the best she could making the best with the cards she was dealt with.

She looked serene in her coffin, her small face was peaceful. She was laid to rest next to the man that drank his sadness away. I would really like if there was a place where they would meet again and maybe finally be friends.

Rest in peace grandma Clara!

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