Feb 06 2019

Maybe you too choosy

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 14:18

The title is not grammatically correct, I know, but I did not come up with it. How did that title come to be? Well, it was the reply to one of my tweets. I know, who still uses Twitter these days? Well, a lot of people that do not like Facebook. And I do not like Facebook. Here is the thread.

I posted on twitter the following sarcastic affirmation:

If men would be as attracted to me as IT recruiters are, I would either have a very active sex life or I would have been married with a lot of kids by now.

Yes, I know I fucked up the grammar on twitter. When I wrote that tweet, I was actually positioning myself in a post-very active sex life timeline. :D Between then and now I realize that I might have been mistaken. Anyway, ignore the grammar, let’s discuss the reactions. Actually there is one reaction I want to focus on, the reaction that is now missing from the thread, because the tweet reply made me so sick that I blocked the author.

The tweet reply did not upset me, or made me mad, it’s just the sort of thinking I do not want to allow to propagate via my twitter account. A person from an underdeveloped country(Zimbabwe), calling himself educated replied to my joke with, you guessed it: “Maybe you too choosy”. I underlined the underdeveloped country idea, because on some level, the country I am originally from(Romania) is considered underdeveloped too. But deciding to be a decent person is not influenced by how undeveloped your country is. So yeah, your origin is not an excuse for being a narrow minded cunt.

So, I am too choosy because I do not have a very active sex life or I am not married with kids by my age, in his narrow, traditionalist, sexist mind. Let me tell you why I am in this situation. I might not have been born in Zimbabwe, but that does not mean I do not know what being poor feels like. Being poor and  being treated differently by people around me for being so is what motivated me as a child to do all I could to well.. not be poor someday. Being poor and being born a girl, meant I had to do house chores at a very young age. So I learned what work was and the value of money very early. So I worked. I worked to support my family and put food on the table. I worked to win some little extra money so I could buy myself an extra pair of pants from the thrift store down the road. I learned to sew so I could fix the said pants when they were torn because of being worn too much. During college while my other female colleagues were hitting the pubs and going on dates, I was washing my clothes by hand and I was doing projects for extra money hoping that one day I would save enough to buy my own computer so I would not have to spend my weekends freezing my ass off in the faculty laboratories anymore.

And then I graduated. And I got myself a full development job and a part time teaching job, because I wanted to save money to buy a car. And I ended up not buying a car but fixing my teeth, that were in very poor shape because of the poverty in my childhood and adolescence. And even if I had two jobs, I decided to spend my weekends helping take care of animals for a non profit organization, instead of, I don’t know … going out I guess.

After a lot of time working two jobs, I could afford the car as well. And that opened up the possibility to travel.  Mind you, I did all these above things while keeping a house  and practicing some sports as well, because to healthy body, healthy mind, right?

And then I moved to Sibiu and when the satisfaction of working in IT started diminishing, I bought a piano and started learning to play it, because I needed a constant hobby and music was always it. It was about damn time I would invest some time in it.  While living in Sibiu, my job kept me occupied, sometimes delegated to various places and I also started writing technical books.

So, when was I supposed to meet somebody and dedicated the time to nurturing a sane relationship? Well, there was time for that, but looking at my romantic history, the only conclusion is that I was not choosy enough.

And then I moved to Edinburgh. I am still keeping a house, I commute for about  1h a day, I am still writing technical books, I am still having a full time job as a software engineer, I am still learning to play piano and I am playing football once a week. And every weekend now and then I spend it with friends.

How am I choosy? What does that even mean in his mind? Because to me it seems the only thing I am is … a fucking adult, a quite grounded one if you ask me. So yeah, apparently living a normal adult life makes you choosy. And you know what really grinds my gears? He could have said that maybe I am a workaholic, maybe I’m too selfish with my time. And although none of those sounds like a compliment either, I would have not have blocked him for any of those. Because those two are closer to the reality than being choosy. You narrow minded, simple thinking shadow of a human being! You can shove your opinion where the sun don’t shine.

So, the conclusion is, if somebody ever tells you that you are “choosy” and uses it to judge your marital status, fuck them. You go live your life the way you want to.

Stay safe, stay happy!

2 Responses to “Maybe you too choosy

  1. Adrian Scheff says:

    Hey, what’s wrong with being choosy? I’m choosy. Lots of people are choosy.
    I don’t thing the message was the issue. The guy doesn’t even know you so maybe you’re just reading too much into it? Just a bit? :)
    Hey, happened to me to. Sometimes (always) we interpret other people’s messages based not on their original intent but rather on our own internal and very personal filter.
    Whenever I feel attacked by a remark/comment/etc I try (and succeed sometimes) to remain cool cause:
    1)The person saying it probably meant something else. I can’t read anyone’s mind yet, so (dunno if you read the bit in the CBT book I recommended you about “mind-reading” – very illuminating concept).
    2)Even if they meant it as an insult, ignore the cunts. Rolling in the mud with the pigs will make you dirty too.

  2. Iuliana says:

    Oh yeah, I ignored him all right. I was very cool about it. The fact is I know exactly what he meant, because I’ve heard it before from other men. And I’ve even heard it from my male friends when talking about women that were out of their league. “Choosy” is another word for “peeky” and believe me the guys calling women that, are trying to make them feel guilty about their higher standards, to make them feel better about their innability to meet them. And this is the kind of thinking I did not want tot propagate.
    (And, I sorta know the guy.)

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