Apr 17 2019

Somebody that I used to know

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 2:02

Last evening I took a break from working on my book, because when checking my phone I’ve seen a friend request on the unmentionable social network that governs us all. I did not recognize the person, but she was asking me to give her a sign when I’m around. And I did. Turns out she was somebody I used to hang with during the summer of 2010. She was reaching out because in that period, at one of the events she used to hang out with a guy and I was the one taking pictures of everything, and she wanted to know if I still happen to have the pictures. Why? Because she met that guy again after 10 years and apparently they just … hit it off again. And she thought it would be funny to reminisce over their youth.

Well, some time ago when I tried opening my yearly archives, I noticed that during one of the multiple copy and paste from HDD to HDD, some of them got wrecked and I lost quite a lot of pictures. Not the ones she was looking for though, she was really lucky. The directory with the pictures and movies was intact and I gladly send it to her via wetransfer.

While looking for the pictures she was hoping I had, I’ve stumbled about some others, some of them with some old flames and my latest boyfriend. I haven’t looked at those pictures in years, I forgot I had so many. Also, after the breakup, I archived everything and did not open them until this year, because I want to make a photo album with my parents with pictures from all the years I’ve been away from them. So last night I’ve also scrolled through the earliest years of my last relationship. I was always fearful that if I ever see those pictures again my heart will break all over again. But looking at those pictures, I barely recognized the man in them. And funny enough, I was not attracted to that person. I remember loving him, I remember thinking of him as sweet and cute. Now I was like… what did I ever see in this person?

And I realized that the reason he seems so foreign, is that in these ten years I have became a different person and it is quite possible my taste in men has changed too. I have changed my life context twice, I’ve traveled and learned so much, I’ve met so many people that were good to me and genuinely amazing persons. Now I accept that he was a necessary brick in the road I’m walking on, a crooked one that hurt my feet. But when they healed, they made my skin tougher and now I can walk even farther.

Long time ago I told him that I accept all the bad things that happened to me and I am grateful for each and every one of them and no matter how much they hurt, I wouldn’t change a thing because they lead me to him. Now he is one of those bad things that hurt me, one of the those things that are leading me somewhere. I don’t have enough imagination to even try to figure out where or to whom, but I am really threilled about it.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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