Aug 11 2019

On being a slave

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:49

In 2001 Britney Spears released a song called I’m a slave for you and aside from the eroticism of the song the clear message is that love transforms us into slaves.

Tonight somebody called me a slave of reputation because apparently I’m on social media way too much and I just wanted to give him a snarky remark, but all that came out of my brains was: Sweetie I haven’t been a slave of anything but love since I left my parents’ house. And that ship has probably sailed and is far, far away by now.

The reply just popped out so easily out of my brains I’m still baffled. And I wrote it with a smile, but eventually did not send it. Because this answer is more for me than for him.

Indeed since I’ve left my parents’ house to go to the university, at eighteen years old, I’ve never been in the position of making such a compromise that I felt like a slave. Except for that particular situation. As somebody without an example of how a normal relationship looks like, I thought love just happened and I had no choice in the matter. I honestly thought that love was the wind that pushed my sails without me having any control.

Good thing that I grew up. Looking at my younger me I pity her and admire her at the same time. Her suffering brought me here, to the point where I accept that love is not what I thought it to be and that kind of love is no longer in the cards for me. Which is obviously not a bad thing.

I was talking with a friend of mine a few days ago and told her if there’s something I love about adulthood is the ability to accept things we cannot change. Attraction, for example. When I was young when I liked somebody my head was spinning and if they did not feel the same I felt either compelled to pursue them and try to seduce them, or to kill the feelings with alcohol.

Now when start linking somebody I still get the same symptoms, my heart is racing, I struggle to find the words and if they are in the same car with me I turn into a shit driver. But that doesn’t last much anymore. I no longer try to show them I am interested, I’m just being plain, old and sarcastic me. If they dig it, fine, if not… well, friends are always better.

I guess I’m reflecting again on my romantic past because of my 6th birthday since I’ve officially become single is getting close. And I just feel the need to pat myself on the back for being wiser than the previous year.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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