Aug 18 2019

Happy birthday to me

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 10:15

This is it, the big 36, I’m now officially on my way to the 40s and I can’t wait for that to happen. Apparently, when you are 40 you are really out of fucks to give. Because lately, I have discovered I have a few left and I’m very good at making my life complicated because of them.

This is the second birthday after the John Mayer birthday. Yup that birthday is still number one. It’s not even that hard to win the competition honestly. Before that birthday I can’t remember one when I was even remotely happy. And after it, well… last year I spent it with my childhood friend and it was nice. You know what wasn’t so nice? Getting a fine because I overstayed my parking, and that happened because I did not read the instructions on the parking machine right. So yeah,  being 30 GBP poorer on my birthday, that doesn’t make it a good birthday in my book.

This year, well… I am here, in my favourite bakery, having a coffee with scrambled eggs on bacon and toast, while gazing over the Forth Bridge. It is not a sunny day, it is one of those typical Scottish days that cannot seem to be able to make up its mind and decide if it will be sunny or rainy, so it is a combination of both. I just got myself a ticket to a cruise to an island I’ve only seen from afar until now and I am waiting for the boat to come.

I tried last night to explain to somebody why I am so fascinated by this bridge. The oversimplification of the whole discussion is that this bridge seems like it has been over-designed and overthought. Its design is more complex than it should be for its purpose but sure as hell looks majestic.

One of my biggest character drawbacks is that I cannot stop overthinking stuff that happens in my life. I go over them over and over and based on multiple points of view I try to anticipate future events. Most times I am spot on(no, I cannot guess you the lottery numbers yet) which makes me a pain in the ass for people. I am also a pain in the ass for me because it is annoying to know the outcome of something I am involved in because it just … takes out the excitement and the surprise out of it. And when the outcome is painful, is even worse, because most times, the events are already set and no matter what I do I cannot stop it. But sometimes there are aberrations and when that happens I need some time to adjust.

That is why I like that bridge – because it’s like a metaphor for … well, me. All in all it was a good day with a very nice surprise at the end.

And since I’ve mentioned the beautiful island I spent my birthday exploring, here’s some pictures. Enjoy!

Stay safe, stay happy!

3 Responses to “Happy birthday to me”

  1. Adrian S. says:

    Happy birthday to you – and to me! I also celebrated my 36th just 12 days after you.
    Oh, btw, I’m not using my full name cause apparently your site is so optimized that when I google my name my comments appear first. :) So just in case I might say some funky stuff I’ll just use S.

    Scotland looks nice – specially those castles and medieval-ish landscapes. And yeah – you’re right about that bridge. It’s a damn beast!

    Anyways, I saw your paragraph about overthinking and analyzing and just wanted to recommend you a good book that I read (well, still reading last chapters but they are the hardest). It’s “Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life”. It helped me deal with some issues and I think it’s in my top 3 self-help books ever. Really powerful stuff – I hope it’ll give you some relief if you decide to read it. It’s quite illuminating and helpful – even if you don’t apply the powerful stuff at the end of the book (if you’ll read it you’ll understand).

  2. Adrian S. says:

    Oh, and btw – may I heartily recommend meds? I’ve struggled with the black dog (among other things) myself and meds have give me a new lease on life. Best decision of my life.

  3. Iuliana says:

    No meds thank you. My psychologist said that since I’ve been doing such a good job so far, better not risk it.

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