Oct 28 2019

If I ever get around to living

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 8:57

I started writing technical books in December 2014. Why did I do it? Because I had a lot of time on my hands. I just moved to a new city where I knew nobody and I did not have anything to do after work. Sure, I could have done what every millennial is doing and go to the gym. But gym has never been my thing. Also, after the bad breakup at the beginning of the year, I did not want to put myself in the position of even risking to meet anybody else. I felt like I needed to be alone, to fix myself, to finally figure out what I need, or better said .. who I need.

Also, having a technical book to write gave me the perfect excuse to refuse people asking me out. I felt like letting my introvert in peace for the first time in my life. And boy I did it. I wrote the first one and I’ve complained about being exhausted and not having a life because of it until September, when I finished writing it.

I took my three months of vacation, and then accepted to write another one. Why? Because of the topic of the book, this book was the first I wanted to write about in the first place. And that book just got a second edition that will be published in January 2020.

If you think writing this book was easier and that my attitude changed, you are mistaken. I still complained about not getting enough sleep and not having a life and blaming it all on the book. But still, I’ve managed to get promoted at my full time job and managed to make some friends. So it wasn’t all bad.

And after my next three months of vacation from writing, of course I’ve accepted to write another book. And this one has a funny story, because I told my PM at Apress that I just want to do reviews, I did not want to write a book from scratch. But what I got to write was the 5th revision of Pro Spring, and boy that was a lot of work. But that book had a history, being its 5th edition and all and having my name on it raised the sales of my previous books. So 2017 was a great year, because it definitely consecrated me as a technical author, but also because of other reasons. I managed to finish the book two weeks earlier than planned and enjoyed my US vacation fully.

And of course, again I said to myself that I’m taking a one year break from writing to get myself a life. And what did I do? I accepted to write Java for Absolute Beginners, the 9+ way. This book got published last year, and again I wanted a break, but when I was told one of my books will get a second revision I couldn’t say no. And I wrote this one too and when this entry is being written I am on my writing vacation again.

And I actually told Apress this time that I want to take a year off, and what did they say? Sure sure, smart ass, but if Spring 6 comes out, would you be interested in writing the 6th edition of Pro Spring?


And guess what did I say? Come on, it is easy … you have one guess. Of course I said bloody yes. And I also signed the contract so there’s no way back now.

 

My best friend Marianul, he told me a while ago during one of our heart to heart sentimental chats, that I should stop writing technical books, because I am using the books to hide in my mind, I am working all the time to avoid solving the matters of the heart that have plagued me since my heart was broken the last time. Of course I got a little defensive and told him is not true, because even while writing the books I did meet some men that caught my interest, but it just went nowhere. So clearly writing technical books in my spare time does not hinder my love life.

I remembered the discussion we had in the car yesterday, while coming back from Pitlochry, because there was a John Mayer song on my radio saying “You are hiding in your mind / Working all the time/Trying to make it better than you got it”.

And it hit me; he might be right. I am hiding in my mind. I am pushing people away or keeping them at bay telling them that I am busy. I use my lack of time as a defence mechanism. Because an enemy that is far away from the castle, might lose interest in getting in or storming it, right?

And since I’ve got to talking about castles, a while ago somebody I consider a friend told me that when you build a heavily consolidated citadel to defend yourself, the line between a citadel and a prison gets easily blurred. I probably seem so proud, so strong and so beautifully distant in my castle. I am so protected. I am safe. What is starting to become obvious though is that I am also very lonely. But I am too scared of the alternative, I guess. It’s ok, there will be time for living. I’ll get around to it at some point.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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