Nov 18 2019

Just another glimpse into my logic

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 2:52

People that know me well know that I am an atheist and I don’t really fraternize with overly religious people. Even if you are not trying to convert me and are not wearing your belief as a badge of honour, if you have an imaginary friend that you think approves of every shit you do, because it hasn’t smitten you yet, we cannot have any kind of relationship. I do not have an issue with agnostics, or people that just believe that there must be something bigger than us out there. I have a problem with people that believe in an all powerful god that has his reasons for doing anything and that gives you strict rules to live your life by.

So why do I really have an issue? There is the reason I mentioned previously, if you think everything you do is good and right and you are a good person just because your god hasn’t smitten you yet, that means you could do bad things and you would have no idea. Because you have no reason to doubt your actions.

The other reason is because … well, before telling you that I should tell you that I was raised catholic – the worst kind of catholic, the romano-catholic one. My mother was a strong believer and she repeated the “believe it, do not research it” chorus a lot of times throughout my life. A few days ago, I discovered my old poetry and song books and realized just how big the part of my life and my mind was taken up by that belief. It was disgusting to have a glimpse into my child/adolescent mind and realize the extent of the indoctrination.

When I was a child/adolescent I fell in love with a person, a person that was kind, and jolly and supportive. He did not love me back, because, oh well… there were special circumstances, but I loved him and he was in my morning and evening prayers, I wanted him to have a good, beautiful life because, out of all the people I knew, he deserved it the most. And I was a passionate believer and respected all the rules, did my volunteering work, sang in the church choir and I did everything right. And my only wish, the only thing I asked my god was to make sure this person had a happy life.

And God listened.

And made him he die in a stupid accident when he was 20.

I asked my mother and I asked priests why do things like this happen. Why does God takes the ones most worthy? They said, it is precisely because they are worthy and wants to make them into angels. Some said sometimes God punished others for their sins by taking persons they love (which is a fucked up explanation, if you want to know my opinion). To keep it simple, if there is a God, this entity is so fucked up that kills kids for their parents sins or kills them just because he can. And he does not even have to justify it, being all powerfull and all.

So, if you believe in a God that does this, how could you imagine you can be my friend? Do you not realize that you literally have the highest appreciation for an entity that killed the person I loved most for a big period of my life? How do you think we could ever be friends?

This is not a sad post, or just another me living in the past episode. It is just an explanation for a few people in my small universe, that I needed to share it with the internet as well. Why? Just because I can. On my blog I am the all powerful god. :D

Stay safew, stay happy!

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