Dec 31 2019

This is what happened

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 13:12

2019 has been a decent year. Although there were a few struggles, I am now in a good place mentally, professionally and personally.

Mentally, I am stronger and a little bit colder. I’ve realized my mind is my own and as such I can keep it under control. From the beginning of the year I have been through stages of fear, depression, frustration, anger and I ended up in a place of acceptance. Some things have happened in the previous year that made me doubt my sanity and the goodness of my soul. But thanks to friends found in unexpected places and my decision to spend my time with the people that can appreciate it for its true value, I’ve took yet another step forward towards the person I hope to be someday.

As an advice to my future self and whoever neeeds it: time is your most precious resource, spend it well.

Professionally, I now have a job that challenges me and keeps my brains occupied. I would lie if I would tell you everything is perfect. A job can be just as frustrating as anything else in our lives and requires at least fourty hours per week of your most precious resource. What you are getting back from a job is the abilitly to pay for a decent place to sleep in and pay for other commodities you might require to keep yourself healthy and happy.  So this combination of not expecting too much, and the surprises along the way, make this job a pleasant experience.

Personally, I filtered yet again the people in my life and decided who is worth my time and how much of it. I read this article  and had some epipfany moments. I am a pretty busy person. I have a full time job, I write technical books, I run, I cycle, I play piano, I read and I write on this blog from time to time. I am also keeping a house. How much time do you think it is left to form new relationships and  maintain the old ones? Not much. I’ve been through a mental hurricane this year. Moving to this new country I was torn by the longing for old friends and the frustration of not being able to make new ones. It is difficult to make friends when you are absurdly independent and in a new country. Cultural clash is also a factor. People might not understand me well. I might not understand them. Also I am Romanian, and because of some unfortunate history context, in the UK, Romanians are mostly seen as being closer to travellers/gypsies as a people, than as a civilized, educated and overall decent people. I really try not to think about it, and I accepted the fact that people will always have prejudices and preconceptions, that might have been there for so long I have no chance to change them, nor I am willing to invest the time to do so. All I can do is to be the best version of myself and be a decent human being. That will not be enough for some people and that is ok.  I’ve also learned that some people do not belong in my small universe and trying to go against my instincts to make them fit has disastruos results. So, I managed to find a balance. I made a list, checked it twice and I decided that persons that have been honest, decent and willing to invest in me the time I was willing to invest in them are the ones that are worth keeping close. I know it might sound weird to talk about friends like items you decide keep or throw away when doing house cleaning, but my mind is like a house and there’s just not enough space for eveyone.

Personally I am well, I am calm and I am content. And I can only hope this will last.

Stay safe, stay happy!

2 Responses to “This is what happened”

  1. Guilherme Alves Lopes says:

    I’ve been reading your Java basics book and I’m loving it, you’re very natural at explaining stuff and still uses precise concepts, thank you for your hard work!

    By the way, I know how it feels to be in a spot like that, know that its a ride and that instability will come back sometime, but continue to be strong and do not fear what may happen, cause you’ve been through it once, you can beat it again!

  2. Iuliana says:

    Thank you Guilherme, for buying my book and for your kind words! I am glad I managed to found a way to make learning Java practical and pleasant!

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