Jan 14 2020

On being able to shut up

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 23:47

Depending on how we are raised, some of us are talkers, some of us are taciturn, some seem to ability to recognize perfectly the moment when they should talk, or they should shut up.

I’ve struggled all my life with my  inability to shut up. I’m not even sure how I became like this. Maybe I was thirsty for attention, maybe I just hated that people kept think and lied around me all the time when I was a kid during the communist time and my mother and father never bother to explain to me why. They just told me to shut up and threaten to bet the shit out of me if I didn’t. So I guess never keeping things to myself was an act of rebellion.

The most difficult part for me was when I started to be interested in people romantically. Because when it is not reciprocated, the normal outcome is to shut up and move on. That was not me, and being motivated by all romantic movies and books I read about love, it’s better to be sorry for what you said, than for you did not said, right?  WRONG.

A while ago I made an assumption about somebody. I was so convinced I was right and so enraged and almost blew up and trashed that person. But for some reasons I kept my mouth shut. And recently, through some turn of events, my assumption was proven wrong. I don’t think I’ve even been so relieved and happy about keeping my mouth shut and keeping my assumptions to myself.

There are moment when we must react, we must say something, spat out mean things trying to defend ourselves. But words hurt too, and they have long term consequences. You have no idea how happy I am for finally being slapped in the face for the shit my brains comes up with. And I am so happy that I was bitch-slapped and the fucked up assumption and the bitch-slap are only mine to know and to learn from.

So, welcome to 2020, the year when I’ve started being able to keep my mouth shut. You have no idea for how long I’ve tried to become this person, and how many times I’ve failed. This is good start of the year for me. I wish the same for you.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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