Feb 17 2020

Just a thought

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 16:59

There is this repeated narrative between my fellows peers using the internet that the titans of the industry have AIs that analyse the content you produce in order to customize ads and urge you to buy exactly what you need. As a technical person I would like to reassure you that isn’t so, but I really can’t.

And since I use the internet, I fell victim to these Ais too, because soon after my relationship ended, I got bombarded with messages to watch this guy: Matthew Hussey. If you want to watch his videos go ahead. He’s basically a relationship expert, giving advice to women on how to “Get the guy”. Take it with a grain of salt. I must confess he isn’t speaking shit and most of his advice can be summarized to: “Just be a decent human”. Watching his videos is a nice experience since he is really, really easy on the eye as well. But a while ago, on the social network we all love to hate, I saw this little wonder of a statement.

It makes sense, right? If you want a good life surround yourself with good, positive people. Well… I have something to say about this. I used to think that way and assumed the problems in my life, my petty bitter life were caused by others, those greedy, selfish and unkind people around me that he mentions.

But it wasn’t just them. It was me. People are not born greedy, selfish and unkind, they become so because they have been dealt a shitty hand. It would be easier to just let them go, and keep close only positive and lovely people. But is this really the way to go? Following this logic, I would not have any friends. Because I am one of those people that got dealt a really shitty hand. And it has affected me in ways that I started quite late in life to investigate and fix. I have had periods in my life when I was greedy, selfish, bitter, hurtful and quite mean. All that was fuelled by insecurities caused by other people being shitty to me and … depression. If my friends would have abandoned me for being all that, I would be alone right now.

So yeah, that advice right there pissed me off. Because it seems like he advises you to let go of people that need some positivity in their life the most. I’m not saying to you that surrounding yourself with greedy, selfish and unkind people is the way to go. But just make sure to not give up on some of them so easily. Being kind and good to a good person is easier than doing the same for a bad person, somebody that has been hurt, taken advantage of and is now defensive and looks at you with any of these questions painted on their face: “Why are you being nice to me?”,“Why are you doing this?”,”What’s in it for you?”, “What do you want in exchange for this?”, etc. But damn, the feeling you will get when you manage to turn a person like this into a good, positive person compares to nothing. And they will be in your debt forever.
It might not always be the case, there are people that are irredeemable, just use your instinct and decide which persons are worth your time. But do not give up on people.

Call me crazy, but people that are too good, that seem to fart rainbows are incredibly infuriating, because they act sometimes as the world is theirs and they are entitled to it. And when everything is going well for them they become quite boring. Spending time with them is reduced to having tea to have small talk about small nothings. So having that one friend that does not know how to deal with their problems and has difficulties seeing the light at the end of the tunnel gives you an actual empathy challenge, an empathy and support quest if you will. And there are rewards when you manage to solve a quest like that. But that’s just me, and I’ve been educated to appreciate more the things that need more work.

And I really have to end this entry by saying this: I am so blessed to have such good friends. I love each and every one of you, and by not giving up on me you have won a best friend forever. I do not care if we do not talk for many years, when you need me I will be there.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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