Apr 03 2020

More quarantine thoughts

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 2:21

I was born in a poor family, a normal traditional Romanian family, where the father was the bread winner and my mother was the home carer. Well, my mother kept the home but she probably hated most of it. That is why as soon as I was able to, she started to share the work with me. Which is ok, this is how children learn to be adults and she did make it fun here and there. Also she always joked that since I am a girl she is teaching me everything so I will be a good wife. And I was a kid and I guess I wanted to be a good wife, since I assumed that was in my future. If I was gonna be a wife, might as well be a good one, right?

It is said that if you want to make god laugh, just make plans. But there is no god, and plans are subject to chance.

I always thought I would meet somebody, settle down, have a kid maybe two. I just thought that was how everybody lived their lives.

But here I am, living alone in the middle of a pandemic. I keep expecting to start freaking out, to start feeling alone, depressed and bitter. I keep expecting to have the urge of doing crazy things: like confessing my love to some ex-fling, or buying a vibrator or crying in video calls with my friends.

It’s the 20th day of quarantine and I look forward to waking up to cuddle with my cat, then trying to build of fix things for my work and then going out in the garden to check if my plants are still alive, then have a savoury lunch made for the first time. Because I love cooking and now that I am stuck in my house I am unleashing my creativity everywhere, including the kitchen.

Somehow, being alone makes me more engaged in my work, I haven’t felt eagerness to solve something or the desire to do overtime in more than two years. I actually wondered if my passion for software development had faded. I was terrified of this thought, because apart from software development I really have no other native talent that I could develop in to a skill starting now. I’ve always loved music, but piano frustrates me so much sometimes. I really don’t think I have the discipline to master it in less then ten years. And until then I have to win my bread another way.

I’ve always been a loner, but always thought that I needed somebody. I had a mother who was dependent on my father, so I guess it seemed impossible to me not to end up the same. But here I am. I’ve been now on my own for almost six years. And I’m now living alone, well with a cat, and I am still sane. I am just as surprised as you, believe me. But that’s not what I want to close this entry with. This is what I want to close this entry with: if I manage to go through this pandemic without going nuts, getting depressed or doing anything crazy, I can live like this until I die. And I’m looking forward to it.

It would be nice if I could sprain my knee at ceilidh dancing again though. I’m kidding of course, except for the knee injury(I will write an entry about that, I promise!), ceilidh dancing is great. I do miss it a little and I am looking forward for this pandemic being done, so I can go to the classes again.

And you know what else I miss? Sauna. If I ever end up building my own house, it will have a sauna. And a bidet. You know why. :D

Stay safe, stay happy and stay inside!

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