Apr 16 2020

A hairy story

Category: FunnyIuliana @ 23:20

I’ve terrified you enough with the darkest corners of my mind, you need a breather. So here it goes….

I think a lot of people have seen this video:

And they probably had a good laugh. I had a good laugh as well.

But after that I started thinking.

I really like thick eyebrows, on other people … mainly men. Just to give you an idea how serious I am about eyebrows, I had a huge crush on Zachary Quinto when watching Heroes.

For the same reason I like Aidan Turner… I mean look at those eyebrows, they are so bad ass. They make him look serios, like somebody you do not want to mess with,(well, maybe just fuck with :P) somebody decisive and strong. These actors keep messing up my idea of real men… damn! I blame them for being a spinster. My expectations for real men are just too high because of them.

Eyebrows are more important then we give them credit for. The fun thing is that sometimes they are sexy even if they are not symmetrical. But depending on the shape of the face and the attitude of the person sometimes… they just work. I had a classmate in high-school that had thick eyebrows that actually met above the bridge of the nose. He was tall, muscular and very well shaped all together, with very masculine square jaws and long eye-lashes. And call me crazy, but I found him very attractive.

But I always wondered how our society would have evolved if eyebrows did not exist. Because that would be a different kind of beauty. There was a few years ago a fashion tentative to use models without eyebrows and the world went balistic. It seems we are really attached to those patches of hair protecting our eyes from the sun. (Those of you that know me better might have an idea where this is going.)

I’m a woman with thick black black eyebrows, not like those of the men I’ve praised previously, but close enough. They are thick enought that give me a resting bitch face when I’m not smiling. So much so, that a few years ago, a colleague of mine kept asking me if I was ok, because I looked upset, and I got upset because she was bugging me and I acted like an asshole. Not one of my finest moments, and I am still sorry about it Hanna!

But forgive the side story there, what I wanted to say is that  the shape of my eyebrows has been an issue since I was a teenager.

When I was fourteen years old, they started getting thicker and try to meet each other over the nose bridge. So my mom decided it was time to start plucking them with a pair of tweezers. I hated every moment of it. My mom got to work on them and stopped them from meeting. You would think that was enough. But no. Over the course of the next four years I started to do it myself and became quite creative. Thiner hairs started growing under the eyebrows looking like they were maybe trying to extend closer to my eyelids, so I got those too. And I got them good, because most of university years I had Maleficent eyebrows – the cartoon character.

Conclusion: eyebrows are important, but apparently even if thier shape is not ideal, men will still want to get in your pants. I did have a boyfriend and quite a few “fans” during university, so I must have done something else right that did not involve eyebrows.

After university, when I got a good paying job I learned you can actually pay somebody with skill do that for you. So my eleven years of getting my eyebrows done by professionals begun. Also during those eleven years I’ve had the first lady, Dana, telling me that what my mother and me did to my eyebrows was a crime. And she forced me to let them grow free and only she was allowed to touch them. Which I accepted, because the two weeks after she touched them, they had the most perfectly symmetrical shape. Her job became only harder at the end of 2010 when I had a haematoma operated on my right eye which left a serious scar. But she still managed to make them look pretty much the same. The lady after her, she did not like the work Dana did, since she had a no trimming policy. Yeap, she gave them a perfect shape just by plucking a hair here and there. Fascinating really. And the lady after that, she was a true artist. I miss her sometimes.

When I moved to Edinburgh, I’ve had trouble finding a salon and somebody I trusted to take care of my eyebrows. Also they do not really grow as fiercely as before so I just let them grow free and I just trim them here and there.

But … do you realize you have never seen your eyebrows grow, right? We are born without them and hairs just appear one by one, thin and translucent, maybe they grow darker and thicker, but you’ve never seen your face without them. And I was always curious about this. How would I look without them? Will they grow as fast as the hairs on my legs? Will they bend in the same way? Will some hairs grow faster than others? So, so many questions I did not have an answer for.

Until now.

Yup. I shaved my eyebrows. This pandemic has me locked in my house, so it was the perfect time to get my answers. I did it on the 7th of April. (Remember how I mentioned I might do something crazy while locked in my house? This might be it. Or just the first, we’ll see.)

Shaving my eyebrows was more difficult than I thought, because the hairs in my eyebrows were thicker than I expected. But I got the job done. I finally exposed to the sun two patches of skin that have been covered since almost the day I was born. The skin was white and baby-skin soft. I shit you not, I just couldn’t stop caressing it for the next two days.

The first morning when I saw myself in the bathroom window I burst out laughing. Without eyebrows I look like an alien. Or I look like an evil genius because my head looks way bigger than it is. I had to get some friends in on the joke. You know the hipster motto, if a tree falls in the forest and… yada,yada.  Apparently my hair still saves me though, one of my friends told me they’d still do me. So… thanks, I guess?

Anyway, my eyebrows are growing now. Still slower than I would like them to. Some of the hairs are clearly lazier which messes up their shape right now. But I am patient, it’s not like I have anywhere to be.

Also, you know how those motivational speakers tell you to love yourself, before loving anybody else. You clearly still have a lot of work to do if you look at your face without eyebrows and go: “What the fuck was I doing? I look like an egg grew hair.” But that’s not me. I own what I did. I had to satisfy my curiosity and I can barely wait to see how they will look like when the hairs in them are at normal length.

Serious mention: It is not my intention to start a pandemic trend. Please, please do not start shaving your eyebrows! Just let me have this one thing, internet. :)

Anyway, I was thinking yesterday that it would be quite funny if the war on the Covid-19 pandemic is won in the next few days. Because, if the lockdown ends soon enough and I would have to go to work, a lot of eyebrows would be raised. Not mine though, because mine are barely there.

Stay safe, stay happy and stay inside!

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2 Responses to “A hairy story”

  1. Peter says:

    Strange experiment, i`ve done it many years ago, full head shave, with no bad or good consequences for the eyebrows. You are cute btw. Glad your hematoma removement, didn`t leave big scars.

  2. Iuliana says:

    Thank you. Given the circumstance, it is funny you think so. :)

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