Nov 30 2020

Quick thoughts about humans

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 3:38

I have a lot of work to do for the following days, but I need to write a bunch of things, a bunch of thoughts that I will probably expand in future blog entries.

I was watching an episode of a random series about a bunch of people grieving after somebody that died. Some of them loved that person and were hoping they are happy in the afterlife. And they were also trying to contact them using a medium. And I realized it must be comforting to be this hopeful and naïve. Accepting that the end of somebody you love is an actual end is a tough thing. Whatever that person was is gone forever, and whatever unfinished business you had with them, it will stay unfinished. A few pieces of your life are left hanging and you must accept that and move on. And it is hard, it is brutal, and it hurts.

The person I loved most in this world, he died never knowing how much he meant to me. Him knowing wouldn’t have probably made a difference to him, because he most probably did not reciprocate my feelings. But it would have meant the world to me. Because loving somebody in secret is like walking daily with heavy weights around your ankles not knowing when you are allowed to take them off.

A person that I knew, turned out he secretly was a monster that hurt somebody very dear to me; he is dead now. There is not closure for the person he hurt, and I cannot have my revenge on him. He is just gone, puff, out of existence without paying for what he did. I wish I would believe in hell and in justice in the afterlife, it would be easier on my soul than this dread I fell about the whole ordeal.

A dear friend died a while ago, and a short while before that we had some very awkward conversations on Whats’App and he felt off and I wanted to ask his if everything is ok and if he wanted to talk, but I did not want to intrude and be considered creepy. And now I am so sorry. I am sorry I did not insist on offering him a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen, whatever he needed really. Because maybe if I would have, he would have postponed the decision to take his own life.

A friend of mine had his heart broken by a person that suffers from some health issues that reduced their lifespan to about two years. This person lives their life in the moment, taking everything life has to offer them. It’s justified, it is understandable. But, from the point of view of the owner of the heart being broken their behaviour is just … cruel. Now my friend is trying to put his broken heart back together, without the privilege of hating the person that broke his heart. Because how can you hate somebody that is destined to die? But then again, having a death sentence and knowing exactly when you will die, does this excuse you for being an asshole? It’s so unfair to think this person will not live long enough to be sorry.

Being sorry is a far worse punishment than being dead. Everybody dies; very few people ever feel truly sorry for the bad things they’ve done. And that is because they will never realize the impact of the things they’ve done, either because they are too narrow minded, or they die before getting to have the wisdom necessary to condemn the deeds of their past.

There will always be people that will hurt you. Sometimes you will have questions you will not get an answer for. Sometimes you will not get to have revenge. Sometimes you will not find solace. Sometimes, things will just be left hanging. Life is unfair like that. But you have the right to live your life and try to be happy just like everybody else. So… learn to let go and move on. Do not let them make you bitter.

Stay safe, stay happy and stay sweet!

One Response to “Quick thoughts about humans”

  1. M-M says:

    Bonjour Julie.

    Ce poste est tres profond comme d’habitude…mais aucun d’entre nous ne sait reellement ce qui se cache apres ce passage qu’on appelle la mort…personne reellement…Tu sais jusqu’a il y a de cela pas tres longtemps, tres peu pouvaientt demontrer l’existence des microbes et pourtant ces derniers etaient bel et bien la et etaient la cause de bien des problemes !

    Donc sur la question de l’existence de l’apres vie, aucun d’entre nous ne peut reellement affirmer de facon definitive que la conscience ne poursuit pas son voyage…Nous estimons que tout s’arrete parce que nous n’avons plus de contact avec les defunts mais qui sait….peut etre est ce la fin pour de bon..peut etre est ce juste un nouveau depart….qu’en sait on vraiment ?

    Une derniere chose, j’espere qu’il y a quelque chose apres ce passage qu’on appelle la vie , et ce pour une raison tres simple…ca serait dommage que ta belle ame soit perdue a jamais.

    De la part de quelqu’un qui t’apprecie BEAUCOUP !

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