Sep 28 2021

Cats & Bats

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 17:26

Do you think a grown ass 38-year-old woman  is agile enough to hunt and catch a bat? If you think not, boy I have a story for you, and it happened just last night.

I live in an attic flat, and I have two cats. One of them is 15 years old and is a rotund mass of lazy named Psihoza. The other one is a hyperactive little Satan that is barely 7 months old named Mayer. Since he was a kitten Mayer has displayed all the behaviors of a feline predator. He tried hunting the seagulls nesting on the roof, he tried to catch some crows that were resting on the terrace, but as far as I know, he never actually caught anything until now. So yeah, he has the instincts, but not the skills. I bet you can match my cats with their names in the next picture from my description.

Last night I opened one of my roof windows wider than I usually do, because I am doing some painting in my house using a paint spray. I wanted to properly spray a door handle from all angles without filling my house with paint, basically. So, the only choice was to do it on the terrace. The light was on, and a poor little bat got confused and got in my living room and was flying around like crazy, while Mayer was doing rounds after it on the floor randomly jumping trying to catch it.

My initial instinct? Cover my hair. Why? Because when I was a child there was this myth that if a bat gets in your hair you need to cut your hair — all of it, because the fucker gets so tangled in it you cannot untangle it. I had nothing to cover my hair with (except the company hat that I used for something else, dooh!), so basically just got under one of my bean bags while urging my hunter cat to catch it. This situation lasted about 5 minutes, because I realized two things: Mayer is inept at hunting anything that flies and also… if the bat gets tangled in my hair, I have no problem cutting it. I’ve did it before. I got out from under the bean bag then I realized … rabies. What if the bat has rabies? Shit! I cannot risk touching it and I cannot risk Mayer catching it.

While I was having my internal monologue under the bean bag and Mayer was going crazy running around the living room, the older, wiser cat was sitting comfortably on my piano chair looking at me and Mayer and judging us silently.

So, how do I catch a bat without touching it and how do I stop my cat from catching it? After trying to hit the bat mid-flight using the company hat and failing a few times, I had an idea. On my computer chair there is a shower towel that is supposed to protect the leather from the claws of my cats. I took the towel and after half an hour or throwing my towel into the air like a bat matador, only trying to actually hit the bat instead of avoiding it, I was all heated and sweaty and the little fucker was getting tired, and his flight was more chaotic than when all this began. And there it came, the final blow, and he fell on his back right next to Mayer. I panicked, I screamed at Mayer, scared that the damn cat will bite the little creature. But apparently Mayer was more curios about the smell of the creature than its taste, so he got close to it, but his mouth was still closed. So, I jumped, and I threw the towel over the little flying fucker and he started chirping under it – it was quite close to a mouse squeal, it was quite cute and reminded me of one of my hamsters I used to have a long time ago. Careful not to touch him, I took the towel and shook it outside the window, and he was gone.

I hope he does not return for a visit.

Stay safe stay happy!

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