Nov 27 2021

The Great Disconnect

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 12:42

One of the modern life paradoxes is that although we are all more connected than ever via our smart devices and the internet, however at the same time we are disconnected than ever. Having a connection to other people in our pockets gives us an illusion of closeness, gives us the illusion that they are reachable at any time and with that in mind…we never actually physically get close to them.

However, if you are willing to try to be a good person, you can use the power of the internet to reach out and help people at a continent distance from you.  Call me crazy, call me too entitled, maybe I am giving myself too much credit, but I think I’ve helped.

We all feel alone sometimes, hell … actually all of us are alone locked in our heads and nobody will ever see us as we want to be seen or truly understood. Although most of us are reluctant to admit it, most families are toxic. The reason why I think this is because parenting is not a topic we have in school. The only way we learn how to make and maintain a family is from our parents and good families that manage to make children and raise them up to be decent adults that will become decent parents themselves are as rare as albino squirrels are. The only way to break the bad-parenting loop is to detach ourselves from the toxic families. Paradoxically this makes us feel lonely and disconnected, we miss what we did not have and sometimes we try to find it in other people. If we are lucky enough, we find it, but if we are not, and most of us aren’t we end up alone and feeling lonely like the person that posted that message. Nobody prepares us for this possibility either. This is why I am very gentle and supportive with people in the same situation I used to be for a long time. I guess I just want them to realize, being alone and feeling disconnected is a normal situation too, just as normal as having a big family and a lot of friends. There are advantages and disadvantages to each of these and the biggest difference is which of those you choose to focus on.

As for me, most of my life I’ve hated holidays, Christmas and New Year’s in particular. The main reason was my very deffective family. I have no happy memories involving Christmas and New Year’s from my childhood.  I am trying to squeeze my brains and dig one up, but it is so hard to find something. I vaguely remember a Saint Nicholas’ day when I found some oranges and chocolates in my shoes.  But I also remember the fights, I remember my father throwing the Christmas three from our 5th story flat because me and my sister ate all the chocolates from it. He swore to never again make us a Christmas tree again and he was serious about it. I remember New Years’ when he wanted me and my sister to dress up nice and serve the male carolers from the village we moved to with wine, in the hope some of them would be interested in us and marry us. Me and my sister, we both hated this, being exposed like pieces of meat fot the taking.

So, I left my parents’ house hating the holidays and the first time I’ve made myself a Christmas tree was more than ten years later. There was a period of my life where I hated this holiday and refused to celebrate them like normal people. You can imagine this was not making me a good and normal girlfriend. Some boyfriends accepted it and they were just happy they did not have to get me presents.

But after the boyfriends were gone, and some friends stayed and became closer over the years, I just realized that I was missing something really nice. So one year I decided I would treat myself and celebrate as if I had a nice family and close friends. I bought a 15 inch tree, I decorated it and put my own presents nicely wrapped next to it. I went and had a nice dinner by myself. I baked cinnamon and ginger cookies. I played those happy Jazzy carols non-stop on my computer. And exactly as I told that redditor, it was great. The athomosphere in the house changed and it was all so calm, so peaceful and at the same time … festive. You know how people say “be the change you want to see in the world”? That year I was the change in my little world. I was the family and the friends I always wish I had. It all started with me. Since that year, I’ve allways celebrated Christmas, sometimes alone, sometimes at friends houses. But I always had a tree and presents.

So, this year, I got another miniature pine tree and decorated it. Durinng the day I listen to jazzy carols.  I love hearing the voice of Nat King and Frank Sinatra while I have my coffee. I already baked some apple and cinnamon muffins. This year I think I will skip the steak and have some salmon. Not sure what presents I will buy for myself this year, but I am going to Paris before Christmas  and I intend to treat myself as I deserve.

Holidays are coming and I will celebrate them accordingly.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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