Off the grid

This weekend I’ve been off the grid. No, I’m not kidding, I’ve probably found the only spot in Scotland where neither Vodafone nor Gigg Gaff have a reach. A friend of mine works for a hotel in Aberfoyle, Stirling. As an employee, he can sometimes reserve rooms for friends as a benefit. He offered me the opportunity to stay a weekend in July, but that got cancelled because the cook got Covid. So, he postponed it for this weekend. I had no expectations beside being cancelled again because of COVID, but it worked out so of Friday at noon I packed up my car and drove to the middle of nowhere.

Considering I haven’t been away from home in a while… more than a year this was my first vacation since the pandemic started. It wasn’t the type of vacation I am accustomed to. I usually go somewhere alone and hike or walk until my soles peel off. I also pair it with a special event such a concert, comedy skit or theatre. This was just me sleeping properly, having lovely walks with my friend, and getting to taste the local food, including wild blueberries.

The best thing about Aberfoyle is the lack of cell reception in my opinion. My friend does not agree. Even if I’m not active on social media, I do tend to check my phone a lot, but knowing there was no way any updates would come through stopped me from doing that. So instead, I enjoyed the nature and the freedom from … well … everything.

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The nutty story

A few weeks ago, I decided to lose some weight and therefore I decided I should have more healthy food in my house. In case I ever feel the urge of uncontrollable munching, at least I’d be munching on healthy food. My go to site for this is Whole Foods, and once every few months I just go there and order about 100 GBP worth of various seeds and nuts.

The last time I ordered from these guys I was still living in Edinburgh, and the courier had no trouble finding me, but in Kirkcaldy things are a little different.

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Horses on the beach

This will be a short one, I don’t have much time because I need to clean my house and then I’m off to shopping and them some chores.

One of the things I always found comforting, motivating and somewhat romantic, even when done on my own is running on the beach. Since I’ve moved to a place that is 5 minutes away from the beach, I gave it a try. Well… those movies that created that picture in my head about running on the beach can go fuck themselves! Even when running on sand that is a little wet, there is no way to know which part of your foot will sink deeper into the sand and this makes it difficult to find a spot to apply pressure to push your self forward. Running on the beach is one of the most annoying, difficult, and uncomfortable things ever and if you have a weak knee like I do, or ankles you are one random moment away from spraining something. I know working out is supposed to be taxing on your body, that is why you do it after all, but damn… I tried it a few times and then said screw it and turned back to flat, stable ground or the treadmill.

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Stop living in the past!

What does that even mean? The past is part of you. Whatever you went through made you the person you are today and whatever happens to you today will shape the you of tomorrow. Without your past you are nothing. Living in the past means whatever happened then is prohibiting you from living and evolving now. At least, that’s the way I see it.

It’s such a romanticized, but ultimately idiotic thing to say to somebody that dares to share with you about some sad or shocking even from their past – “stop living in the past”.  You cannot stop living in the past because the past lives in you. That can only be fixed by a lobotomy.

It is difficult to let the past go; it is difficult to accept that some things that you use to dream or work towards were never meant to be ours, or that some traumatic things cannot be undone nor prevented, and it is so easy to fall in bitterness and self-pity. However, we all need a period of self-pity sometimes, a day or more when we cry our eyes out and allow that feeling of sorry for ourselves to engulf us, but in the end, past cannot be changed. We all did the best we could in the moment with the context we were given. Growth happens when the tears of self-pity are allowed to fall and soothe the soul into acceptance.

The most obvious sign of a proper adult is the acceptance that the past cannot be changed, that we have little control over our lives and most things we think as true, might not be true tomorrow. Our past is a bunch of bricks that represent the foundation of our present character and personality. Some of those bricks are solid, some of them are fragile and crash under the weight of new experiences and memories and so they get replaced. Past is a part of us, but defines us and limits us only as much as we let it.



John Mayer has one of the best lyrics about the past that I know: “And if my past is any sign of your future /You should be warned before I let you inside” .  I’m not going to go too deep into what those two lyrics mean for me, maybe another time when I’m a little tipsy and a little more in love. ;)  But yeah, the past is a sign of your future, but future is never set in stone and life can surprise you.

Anyway, never tell somebody to stop living in the past. If they are stuck in there is for reasons that are more traumatic than you are probably suited to deal with. People stuck in the past need a psychologist, not somebody to bully them out of it or enable them to stay there. You telling them what to do, will work in the same way it works telling a quadriplegic to walk.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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The blogging list

I use Evernote to keep food recipes, work stuff and other notes organized and shared across all my devices. In Evernote I have a notebook called “Blog” that groups notes about technical details of the VM the blog is hosted on and ideas that I want to write about. As you can probably imagine … there are lot of notes. The funny thing is, I intended to look at them now and pick one to publish today, because I am tired and I have absolutely no idea what to write about, and I noticed that none of them is from this year. Also, most of them are from a time where mentally I was not in a good place, so I can’t see myself taking one of them and updating it so I can publish it now, because most of them do not fit my current state of mind.

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Ikea Shenanigans

As you know if you’ve read me before, I became a homeowner. As a new homeowner I am in a situation I’ve never been in before: I must choose my furniture and I must make sure it fits the house and the other furniture. It took me six months, but I’ve finally decided on a dining table and a chest of drawers to store my shoes in. They got delivered by Ikea yesterday and there were a lot of boxes, to the desperation of the delivery guys that had to get them up the stairs to my flat.

From the start, something was weird with one of the boxes, because it looked like it took a beating, and somebody struggled to mend it with a lot of scotch tape, but I thought, it’s just wood, maybe it will be fine.

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This pandemic has changed me

I think the title is valid for anyone. You must be brain dead to not be affected at all by a pandemic and how the society has reacted to it. Some people realized they only have one life, and its random end has become more probably than it seemed before. Some people decided to get married or have kids, because the lockdown has given them the chance to work from home and spend a lot of time with them and/or their partners going through it. You know my opinion on overpopulation and the pandemic, but hey, if you want to have kids, that is your decision and as long you are not shoving your kids in my face, I’m ok with it.

As the title says, I’ve been going through some changes too. If you have read my blog for a long time, you probably know that during this pandemic, I have managed to do a lot of things: buy my own flat, give up social media, get another cat, deciding to get in shape, etc. Beside all that, I think my character has changed too.  My boundaries have strengthened, and I am very selective with the people I allow to get close to me.  I think living alone has given me a lot of clarity.

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