Aug 05 2019

With Psihoza on vacation

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 13:12

This weekend I was away from home in a quick short trip to some Scotland lochs: Loch Tay and Loch Long. I basically did a circle drive with the following itinerary: Edinburgh -> Kenmore -> Arrochar -> Glasgow -> Edinburgh. Why this itinerary? I had a dear friend visiting and I really wanted to get her out of Edinburgh, because right now it is festival time si the city is swamped with people. I just chose the two locations: Kenmore and Arrochar because they were in the Loch Lomond & the Trossachs National Park, they were close enough to drive, leaving us some time to just hike or walk around. And they were near lakes which helped with the view.

When booking the hotels my friend noticed the hotels were pet-friendly and she suggested we should get the cat too and that’s exactly what we did.

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Aug 02 2019

Are you where you wanted to be?

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 12:01

This question is a refrain that from time to time I sing to myself in my head using Darren Hayes’ voice. Because this is a Darren Hayes song. I heard it first in 2001 when starting university. I found it on a shady Mule server and recognized his voice and could not understand how his song was never famous. If you listen to it, you’ll understand. Nowadays nobody wants to listen to songs that make them think, that makes them reflect.

So, here I am in 2019, closer to my thirty-six birthday and I am asking myself yet again the same question? What prompted this? Recently I’ve been around somebody who seems enchanted by the glamorous life as a developer at bigger companies as Google, Amazon, Facebook, and others. Although I’ve had many chances of entering a recruitment process with any of them I’ve always changed my mind in favor of smaller companies, where there is more technical freedom and it is easier to shine. Maybe it’s my low confidence in my abilities, maybe it is just my necessity to be important and I won’t be important as a cog in the big machine that is one of those companies. Plus, with the current evolution of these companies and the data gathering and manipulation they are doing for increasing their profits, for me, it’s already a question of ethics. Because I cannot be a part of this with a clean conscience.

And then there is a question of validation. What will validate me in my own eyes? Will it be enough if I work at one of these companies? Will I finally be proud of myself and my achievements? And what will that do to me as a person? Because the driving force behind all my achievements so far has been this feeling of inadequacy; of never being enough. This has been the fuel that has kept me running so long.  Once this is gone, what will happen to me, who will I be then? Will I be a better person than I am now?

No, I know for sure that I won’t. Because my validation was never external. The feeling of satisfaction about myself is not fuelled by the money that I make, or the fancy company names on my CV. My validation comes from the number of lives that I’ve touched and changed in a good way. It’s not about the things, it’s all about the people.

And it is all about the freedom to spend my time as I see fit, with who I see fit.

Am I where I wanted to be? Not sure, but I’m on my way there for sure.

Stay safe, stay happy!

Jul 28 2019

4 and 1/2 pints

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 11:20

A few days ago I went out with some workmates to celebrate one of them going on maternity leave. I ate a big pizza and drank 2 pints of beer and on my way home I was so jolly, enjoying the sunshine and I almost thought I might be in love. And I was thinking to myself that probably I could not live in a world without alcohol. Sure, I have better days when I get the same effect without alcohol, I’m aware of that. But still, when I’m anxious and can’t stop my brains from running too many threads alcohol helps slow it down enough to be able to function … normally.

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Jul 25 2019

Blast from the past(part 8)

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 12:59

I don’t really remember much about 2013 and I have no idea why. I have only two pictures from you from that year, that for some reason I considered important.

This picture was made in Bulgaria. For some reason I rarely left the country for vacations until 2015. Not sure why. Maybe I thought my salary would not handle such an investment, maybe because I did not know the outside world enough to be curious about it or maybe my friends and my home life was enough. I was going in a few places in Europe for my work, and I guess I never really considered that I could go there for vacations as well. So yeah, for some reason that year I went on my summer vacation in Bulgaria. Probably because that was where my then boyfriend’s best friend was going and we just jumped in for the ride. We drove from Iasi to Bulgaria, and yes, it was as bad as you would imagine. I mean, about 12 hours of driving on Romanian & Bulgarian roads is a little bit of a nightmare. I do not even remember the name of the location honeslty. But I remember we had all inclusive service, which meant that breakfast, lunch and dinner were provided by the hotel and the quality was not so bad either. So we ended up having a routine like this: breakfast, lounging in the sun, launch, sleep, more lounging in the sun, dinner, then having long walks on the beach.

That vacation I realized that I had really little in common with my boyfriend and the most interesting exchange of ideas for four days I had them with a friend of his that was accompanying us. I honestly was jealous that my boyfriend had such an awesome friend and I just couldn’t steal him as my own. :D

The picture is made not in the place where we went on vacation, but in a place we stopped when going back to Romania. There was a nice beach and an amazing botanical garden.

Anyway, in that picture I had a little bit of a headache, because unbeknownst to me, an ear infection was slowly developing. You see, the hotel had a pool. All days there, we never though about going to the pool. Why do that when you had the see so close, right? But because we were curious, we went one day. And the water was a little cold and it smelled weird, like it hadn’t been changed recently. And the hotel admitted that their pool pump was actually broken. It’s not like the water was dirty, it just felt… off.

On the way back, the ear infection got really bad and the next stop was the hospital where a nice lady inspected me and let me know that its bad and that I will need to put some drops in my ear, I will need to come back for a few days for some medical cleaning and checking of my ear and take antibiotics. I did them all and in a week I was fine. But the headache was terrible and I hope I will never go through that again.

At the end of the year I decided to make a drastic change in appeareance.

The last time in my life when I had the hair so short, I was ten years old. The reason I got my hair so short when I was ten was because the person cutting my hair misunderstood my cousin. My mother was furious. Between our house’s walls she accused my cousing of being jealous on my thick and long hair and butchering my hair intentionally. Of course, this theory of hers was rebutted by my cousin last year when she visited me. Anyway, back to my 2013 hair. I got that haircut because a long time ago I’ve found a picture of a very sexy woman, in a very sexy pose with hair cut and dyed lke that. I know it sounds like a very stupid thing for a grown ass woman to do, but oh well. The good part is that after that I actually found out I liked having short hair.

And that is pretty much all I remeber about 2013. There don’t seem to be many blog entries that year either, so I was either really busy, either very depressed. I preffer to think I was really busy. ;)

Stay safe, stay happy!

Jul 22 2019

Shooting the messenger

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 18:22

Humans are social creatures to the point that if a human is unable to make connections, to have their own network of people, their own group of friends they will be considered weird and shunned.

I was criticized yesterday on Reddit, because I replied to a post about loneliness with “loneliness is ugly, but it grows on you”. A bunch of internet know-it-alls jumped on me telling that actually, I’m just compartment. Like this was an offense of some kind, some harsh word that would make me take a good look at my life, change my mind and make me get out of my house looking for people to socialize with.

I’ve been a loner most of my life. I don’t see this situation changing too soon really. And because I’m a loner and I a highly functioning independent adult, I don’t really need … friends. I mean think about it, friendship is weird: of this set of humans that I know I pick you, because I like you the best and I will dedicate more time to you than I do to the others, I will share with you most I hold dear, I will support you if you need it and deal with your shit. Because I like you.

I’m not saying I don’t have friends, because I do. And I love spending time with them. The list of people I wanted to buy stuff for when I went back home to Romania is proof of this. But most of my friends are people a either grew up with or shared a common environment enough for use to decide that we like each other with the good and the bad and no matter what happens to us in the future we’ll always be friends. It doesn’t always work, obviously, but sometimes … people just fit.

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Jul 18 2019

Blast from the past(part 7)

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:31

Here we are closer to the present, year 2012. At the beginning of 2012, this image was plastered over a huge office building in Iasi. And is was online too, the image below is a screenshot from a Facebook ad. Yes, I was the face of one of Endava’s recruiting efforts. And the reason why my face was there is because I had the idea of making it look like Star Trek. Clearly the image is photo-shopped, not even in my youngest days I had a waist that small. And my hair was never that perfect. But I think I am still recognizable.

If Endava wold have known that I would quit only about 4 months later, they probably would have used somebody else. But at the time, I did not know I was going to quit either. But before I quit, I was sent to Paris to work for BRD. Which is where the next picture was taken. (Just realized I still have that jacket, I’m so wearing it tomorrow. :D)

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Jul 18 2019

Visiting home (part two)

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 0:34

The previous post ended with me getting on a flight to fly to Iasi. Lucky for me Iasi is 45 minutes away by plane and I was there in no time. In the airport my best friends and thier kids were waiting for me. Well, not quite, when you have kids, things do not always go as planned and they were a little late. :))

Honestly, the rest of the week was hazy. It was too hot but I was playing with the kids, reading, getting my first tantrum from my godson’s sister and all the time trying to get into my godson’s good graces. Why? Because he was 6 months old when I baptized him last year and now he was 1 year and a 1/2 and  he totally forgot me. Heh, he’s just a kid and his brains is bombarded with a multitude of stimuli trying to make sense of this world, but I can’t lie, it hurt a little. Being forgotten always does.

But you know who did not forget me? My friends, some of them I know from 2009 and even earlier and I’ve managed to meet quite a lot of them. And holy macro, did I mention how big of an idiot I am?? Because I forgot to take freaking pictures. I was so enchanted to see my friends and enjoy their company that I totally forgot, more than once.

Also, do not expect pictures with the kids, I am one of those adults that considers that kids pictures should not be on the internet until they are at least 16 and understand the ramifications of these things.
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