Russian soldiers have always been assholes

I’ve quoted this song a lot of times on this blog, and here I am, doing it again, in a different context. John Mayer: if my past is any sign of my future  …

When it comes to Russian soldiers it is. I promised in the previous entry that I will provide more context as to why a Romanian is more offended about people calling them Russian than Gypsy. Here it is. Prepare for a rough read.

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On not being accepted

When talking to my fellow expats, one common thing I hear from most of them is the feeling of not being accepted. This feeling of not being accepted makes most of them feel foreign and unwelcome even after living more than a decade in a different country. They feel foreign and unwelcome because their adoptive countries are unaware of their countries of origins history and because they mix up their country with another. If you’ve ever met a Romanian and mixed-up Bucharest with Budapest, you’ve probably seen how much that offends us. Or if you’ve ever met a Romanian and asked them if they were gypsies, you were probably surprised why they stopped talking to you.

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Ordinary mornings

I don’t think I truly appreciated ordinary mornings when I drank my coffee while looking in the distance at the boats on the canal. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked the universe for the quiet and the normalcy of my mornings when my cats lounged in the sun beside me and I was preparing for a banal day full of cleaning the dust in my house and then writing a few words for my books or my blog.

My mornings now are still normal, just sadder. I wake up and I check Psihoza is still alive, and I wonder if she is in pain, and she is sticking around just because I need her. I really hope she is not, and I really hope when she is ready, she will go peacefully in her sleep and maybe mine too.

Then I take my phone to check the time and check on the Ukraine situation and Zelenski. I hope Ukraine is still on the map and Zelenski is still alive. I wish this war to end, but ending it might require NATO intervention, or military help from the neighboring countries, including the one where I was born where most of my friends and family reside, which means world war…. Paradoxically to stop a war between two countries, where one invaded another, a bigger war is needed.  So yeah, I am conflicted about this.

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Another day, another sad day

Social media is full of entries about the Ukrainian war, and politicians everywhere talk and still hope for a peaceful solution of the “conflict”.  They call it conflict because this makes it feel small, makes it easier to talk about, because a conflict doesn’t always involve thousands of people being killed.

Me and my Ukrainian colleague had a conflict as well, when he kept reporting things were not working on a component I’ve built, without reading the documentation and realizing that was the expected behavior. That is a conflict. What is happening in Ukraine is genocide and a cleansing of the area of everything Ukrainian. Russians are targeting their schools, universities, theatres and hospitals and any other monument that would even remind Ukrainians who they are and where they come from. Even if somehow, they win this war, putin is leaving nothing for them to come back to. He is cancelling all their achievements and is setting their country back hundreds of years.

Why is he doing this? Read 1984 and you will understand why. And if you feel like reading, continue with The Communist Manifesto, and a lot of things will become clear. Maybe some other day I will write an entry with a summary for you, but I doubt I could make a proper summary of those two books that will make you shudder  as much as the books would.

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Just a thought

I am pretty sure at this point that 99% of the politicians in this world are cretins. They are people that if they had to work for a salary, do some actual work they would probably get fired and starve. I already posted a short version of this on Twitter, but it will get drowned by the other billions of tweets. I just really need to keep this somewhere to smack myself after I see one of those “faith in humanity restored” and feel optimistic about this world.

Look at this clip and really think about what you are seeing.

This man is begging for help for his country, and you applaud? What is the applause for? That was not a performance you absolute twats!!! You should bow your faces in shame and say sorry to Ukraine. And then go do something to deserve their forgiveness.

Who elected these people in those roles? They were especially looking for cretins or is the world doomed because it seems all the IQ was depleted and there was none left for the people in that room?

Am I offensive and angry? Damn right I am. Look at the state of this world and look at the state of our so-called leaders!

Leaders are supposed to be smarter, stronger than the ones they lead, that is why we choose them to lead. They should not be afraid of making tough decisions and they should see things clearer than we, the ones being lead, do. But they see a man begging for their help, so his country and his people do not get turned into a pile of ashes and what do they do… they clap like this is the greatest show they’ve ever seen. I feel sick to my stomach.

I hope all those idiots in that room sleep as well as the Ukrainians do for the rest of their lives.

Stay strong Ukraine! Слава Україні!

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Damned if you do, damned if you don’t

In between the breaks of watching the news and providing emotional support my friends and family in Romania, although I have no idea if I’m doing a good job there, I managed to get some work done.  Until the conflict in Ukraine ends, one way or another, I’ll probably be slightly unproductive. I’m already falling behind with the work on my new book, because I am finding it hard to keep my focus.

People being killed on camera at this point and the “leaders” of the civilized countries are discussing. DISCUSSING. Like this was just a movie you can state your opinions about and then go about your day. It makes me sick to my stomach.

When I watch those films, I get sick to my stomach because of my own helplessness to do anything. The best I could do was to close my Revolut account. The next thing I am doing is looking for a way to donate for medical aid and military to Ukraine, but I have no guarantee that my money will end up where they should, of would even matter. Because ultimately, I am not in a position of power. I know every small act matters, but people are still dying, and I feel guilty for not being in the position to do more.

I FEEL GUITLY, what is happening in Ukraine is not my fault and I do not approve it. I feel just as useless as the politicians talking and talking and ultimately doing nothing. I hate myself for doing exactly the same thing they are doing. But they do have the power to do something, and they don’t.

And I get it. If they don’t help, their people that feel exactly as I do, they will condemn them and have their revenge at the polls in the next elections. If they help, that help with eventually consist in people that must be sent to fight and might not come back. Those people have families that will not forgive them either, and they will have their revenge at the pools in the next election too. So, what would you do?

I know what I would do. I would say: Fuck my political career, I will save as many people as I can. Nobody will make me a statue, but I will be able to sleep at night knowing that I did the best I could.

I am not in the position to make a decision like that, I am only a meek, unsignificant keyboard warrior.

Stay strong Ukraine! Слава Україні!

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Change

It feels so weird writing about something unrelated to the war in Ukraine right now. This tragedy that is happening next to the country where I was born and where most of my friends and family live. And I know that Romania is in NATO and Russia won’t attack NATO countries, but war is a terrible and chaotic thing, and you never know what might happen.

Life goes on however, and I cannot allow myself to be paralyzed by a feeling I have no right to feel. Innocent people are dying in Ukraine, and I feel sad here in my bubble, sems almost hypocritical, doesn’t it? I must confess that I wasted most of my weekend. Since the attack on Kyiv started, every morning I wake up and I dread checking the news. I fear I will read that Zelenski was captured and killed, or that Kyiv was levelled by a nuke. Then I try to go about my day, but every time I have to use my phone, I cannot stop checking twitter for news. And I scroll, and I refresh, and I scroll again and then it is time to bed.

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