Oct 07 2018

The lonely road

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 22:45

When I was in college I had a teacher; she was ancient. She was teaching databases and she was probably there when they were invented because her knowledge of data relationships and normalization was extensive. My colleagues used to criticize her for her childish voice, for how she dressed, for how she taught. The poor woman could do nothing right apparently, just because she never married, she was a spinster. It’s so strange how people assume behavior from basically … nothing.

 

I also had another teacher that never married, a man. Men spinsters that manage to be functional adults are automatically labeled as drunken geniuses, that dedicated their lives to their passions and that is why their personal lives never happened. But old women that never married, they are obviously crazy-sour mwn-hater good for nothing bitches. Eventually cat ladies.

Ha ha, see what I did there? I just underlined a sexist double standard.

Clearly, the two cases are limited to the Romanian culture. Not sure what preconceptions other cultures have about spinsters. Another thing that is common in Romania is to mostly isolate people that skip the marriage step.  Spinsters are viewed as misfits and sometimes a danger to existing marriages. Because in our culture it is considered “not normal” to be single and obviously if you tell people you’ve chosen and accepted solitude, you must be actually lying and the only reason you try to stay close to people that are married is so you can steal somebody’s husband or wife. Isolating and casting out people that end up alone is a social phenomenon.  I’m not even sure if the root of how we view single people has a religious or a political reason. Because church and political regimes have at least one thing in common: they love the traditional family, the one made by one man and one woman, the fundamental cell of any society, that leads to the creation of new people, believers for the church and taxpayers for the state.  This is quite a big discussion, but the core idea is that being single after a certain age is bad and everything while growing up, teaches you that the worst thing to be as an adult is … alone.

Seriously, my parents biggest fear was that I and my sister will never marry because we were ugly and poor and we would become a burden for them. Since I was a child I remember my mother teaching me how to do everything around the house, because those were the skills a good wife had to have. And their fear transmitted to me too, because I am a little abashed looking back at my romantic history, because I am pretty sure, most of my decisions in my relationships were caused by that fear. And no, they were not good decisions.

Anyway, more than four years ago, a series of unfortunate events and bad decisions (not all mine) left me for the first time in my life in the state of being single after a really bad and brusque breakup. I’ve had moments when I blamed myself, I’ve had moments when I blamed him. When you are in pain, blame is like a ball in an out of control pinball machine. No matter where you throw the damn ball it will always hit something until it finds the path out. Truth is we were not compatible, not unless both being extraordinarily stubborn counts.  We would have hurt each other way worse if it hadn’t ended when it did and I am forever grateful to the lover after me.

And this is how my long walk on the lonely road began.

Honestly, I’ve never expected for me to be single for so long. But then again, I’ve never really tried that hard not to be. I’ve written books, I’ve traveled and I’ve filled all my free time with things I’ve wanted to do for so long, that there was not much time left to … date. But that’s not important right now.

What I want to tell you is that the lady teacher that I previously mentioned, was always nice to me. She had this childlike voice and never avoided answering a question, even if the answer was “I don’t know”. She had never been anything else than sweet and kind. By comparison, the male teacher was quite bitter and cynical. So, really, if I end up like her it’s not a bad thing.

The loner life fits me for the moment. It has fit me for the last four years.  I’ve embraced solitude as a normality and I don’t really care if me being single hurts the church or the economy. I did not choose this, but I’ll be damned if I let it make me bitter, sour or cynical.

Some people have to walk alone. And that is something to admire not chastise and ridicule.


Sep 18 2018

Stories must have an end

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 13:00

When I was little and just started reading, my favourites were fairy tales. Not because of all the imaginary characters with fantastic abilities and unreal  adventures. But because they had a clear and concise end. I think the first tale I hated a little was One Thousand and One Nights because I was unable to find all the books at the local library. 

And now as an adult, I love some series but hate the studios that dropped them without a clear end. Firefly is the first one that comes to mind. Lie to Me is the second and there are a few more, but I digress.

After Game of Thrones started airing, I had to buy the books, because I needed an end. To my disappointment, George R.R. Martin did not finish writing his book series, so after reading all the published books of the series I still feel… off. I don’t know how to describe this feeling. It’s like you’ve been dumped, but never given a reason. It’s like a bullet would that healed with the bullet being left in.

That’s why I hate Netflix, so many of their series is just … unfinished. And some of them are great, but just because people haven’t discovered them – and how could people discover them, there are only 24 hours in a day, and we work and sleep for about 16 of them – they will probably get canceled.

That’s not the case of Altered Carbon though. I think they are going to continue this one. But I cannot wait for them to do it. So I bought the books and started reading them.

One of the most interesting things I do, when I read books after being introduced to a TV show is to take note of the differences and modify the scenery and the characters look based on the descriptions in the book. And if you think Joel Kinnaman is hot, just imagine him with dark hair and more blueish eyes. It is interesting though how the story in the movie diverges from the one in the book. Maybe I’m not that far into the book, but things look really different so far. For example, it puzzled me in the show that the main Meths in the Story, Laurens, and Miriam Bancroft would choose 40-year old looking sleeves when they had the option for younger, hotter ones. I think that this was a visual decision for the show, to make it clear that they are indeed really old. But in the book, Miriam wears a 20-year looking sleeve. And Ortega is taller and slender, but in the movie they preferred to cast an actress that looks typically Latino – short-ish and curvy. I’m not complaining, Martha Higareda is hot as peppers and she is a very good actress, but in a futuristic world, where you have a planet colonized by a combination of Slavic and Japanese people, and the main character is named Takeshi Kovacs, it would not have been a long stretch to have an Ortega that looked less Latino. A, and there’s no evil sister and Quell is not that important so far.

I did the same for Game of Thrones, corrected the characters, scenery and the story with details provided in the books. It’s a fascinating process really and I think that it enriches the experience of reading a book a lot.

But the main idea here is that stories need an end. I hate things that are left just … hanging. Well, not hate, hate… more like I am just bothered by them. Because when something does not have a clear end, I find myself from time to time imagining endings and yearning for a confirmation that I will obviously never get. Thank heavens sometimes the books help with this.

So, anybody else has the same problem? How do you deal with it? Let me know in the comments below.  Or keep it to yourself, it’s not like any of us has time for that much conversation, right? :D

Stay safe, stay happy!


Aug 10 2018

I became an organ donor

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:50

This morning I had a chat with my Uber driver, he was African and an expat, same as me. I noticed that Africans, in general, are very sociable and tend to get friendly fast with people that are not native to this country and come from countries with communist regimes. I have a colleague that basically took me under his wing and he told me “we are the same”. Yeah, we would, if I were extremely tan and I would have about 80 kilograms of muscle. :)  But I digress…

So anyway, I was talking to my Uber driver and he asked me for how long have I been in Scotland and why I left Romania. And there were some many reasons, that was difficult to give an answer. I just blamed the communist regime and how things are getting worse every day, little by little and that was it. There are many reasons, some of them personal, some of them professional. And none of them financial. Seriously, I did not leave Romania because of financial reasons. I read a lot and I watch a lot of movies and documentaries. I am passionate about anything science-related and I do have quite a good memory.  I grew up with Star Trek, American medical series, X-Files and other series that showed me a different world. I was watching how in these civilized countries, cancer could be beaten while my relatives died of it. I was trying to keep my garden clean and recycle, while most around me did not give a shit. I was watching documentaries about organs being transplanted and people being saved, while in Romania these operations are rarely made, or some doctor-politician rules the mafia of it. One of my biggest desires for a while is to register as an organ donor or donate my body to science if the first one is not possible. But in Romania, there is no such thing. I think even the Orthodox Church that basically rules this country from the shadow of corrupt politicians frowns and disapproves of such practices.

So when I moved here one of the first things I did was to register as an organ donor. We are all dust in the wind, we come from the Earth and back to the Earth we shall return when we die. This body of mine is just a shell, just a container for energy that is my soul. When this energy will disperse for some reason if anything of it can be used to help anybody to keep on living why should I be against it? I do not even have the right to be against it. I never owned this body. It was just borrowed to me for a little while by the universe. The way I look at it, it’s just another type of recycling. And why should you be selfish and let your organs rot, when you can save a few lives? It’s not like you will be here, aware of them or what happens to them anymore.  I’m not sure I can express how proud I feel to be holding this card. I am a healthy human being and I will take care of this body and keep it in the best shape I can, so that one day if my life ends abruptly, it will give life to somebody else. And I hope they make the most of it. As I am now and as I will be until such an unfortunate time for me.

Stay safe, stay happy!


Aug 07 2018

The trillion dollar company

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 0:47

A few days ago an article about how Apple is the company with the biggest revenue in the world, and the bitter jokes about how that came to be began.

Of course people credit the ridiculous revenue on  thier fragile products and the need for adapters. But I don’t see the problem. They have discovered a niche of lazy humans that forgot that soldering a wire is not really complicated. And honestly it’s quite fun. Another option would be to find a guy good with electronics and pay him to do it, it would still be cheaper than a new one. But hey, an adapter or Apple cable that has been repaired is not as pretty as a new, freshly bought, 200 $ one right?

I love Apple products. I am writing my 4th book on a Mac and I chose it because it satisfies my developer needs better than any other computer and it works out of the box, without the need to install drivers and it took me just 2 hours to install everything I needed to be able to do my work on it. I really considered buying a different computer, but all come now with a Windows I really do not want  to pay for since the first thing I would do is to erase it and put a Linux distribution in its place. Also, I have never had the toolstack I work with now on a different computer than a Mac, so pressed by time I made the investment. But I knew exactly what I was getting. Is it powerfull? Yes. Is it practical? Yes. But you know what else it is? It is sensitive as fuck.  So I don’t move it around if I don’t have to. When I do move it around, it is in a special backpack with shock-protection interior, exterior leather so it doesn’t get wet. When I close it, I put a thin sheet of special paper between the keyboard and the screen, otherwise in 3-4 months the exterior layer of the screen would be deformed in the shape of the keyboard.

I know that the charger cable will probably wear off in time. I’m not worried, I know how to solder and isolate cables. Apple did not become a trillion dollar company because it somehow screwed their clients. Quite the opposite, Apple just provided them sensitive products. They decided not to take care of them and then pay for expensive adapters and new cables instead of fixing them. You might say that Apple provided solution for problems that Apple created. Well, what did you expect? We live in an age that is addicted to shiny new stuff and frowns upon refurbished and patched things. And we like to consume and brag about our new expensive stuff. Apple did not create problems that weren’t there. Our pride, our lust for adoration and satisfaction was always there. Apple just found a way to monetize it.

So don’t be envious of Apple. It’s just a business that is managed well. They did not create the weakness in people.  Take a good look at your self and learn to manage your desires and your finances, your life and your priorities. And if you do a well enough job, there won’t be another  evil corporation owning the world.

And by the way, that trillion dollars might be a consequence of the tax reduction that Trump gave corporations in the US and the third-world cheap labour. Because, they way politicians designed this world, to have a successfull business and be totally legit is probably impossibile.

Stay safe, stay happy and stop buying shiny shit!


Jul 22 2018

Housework and other stuff

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 15:48

I haven’t been writing for a while and that is because I’ve been pretty busy. Aside from a tedious task and work, I’ve had some housework to do as well and a book to write so I am sure you can understand my reasons and forgive my absence.

As I’ve probably mentioned before I’ve rented a flat at the ground floor of a typical Scottish house. And when I say typical I’m not joking. The house was build in 1930 and has separate heads for hot and cold water. And if you ever seen those memes about the UK double-headed sinks like the one below, well… it’s just like that.

Since I’ve moved here obviously I researched why they did it this way, because there must be a logic behind it, right? The first reason is historical, most English houses had running water before boilers were invented, so the hot water circuit was added later. After the boilers were introduced, the water would go stale in the boiler cylinder and become undrinkable and dangerous, so a law was introduced that prohibits mixing hot and cold water. Also, there is an economic approach.  If you use the same pipe for cold and hot water, if you want scolding hot water after cold water, it would take a little more time to get it, as the pipe is cold and because of heat transfer the initial hot water is not really hot, but more like piss warm. The UK design promotes water saving, as you are supposed to use the sink cork, then mix the water  in the sink in the right amount, and there you wash your hands and face, so the water is not running unnecessarily.

I do have an electric shower for quick showers though. So all is well with the world. ;)

Moving on from the sink subject, the house is obviously quite old, but quite well maintained, but it does have its perks. For example it has an old fireplace that is no longer functional and it was covered up like this:

Well, obviously I had to do something about it. So one can of Antique White Chalk Based Furniture Paint, a little Furniture Finishing Wax, 5 days of repeatedly applying the paint, a little bit of peel and stick wallpaper and some advice from an Architect friend of mine, turned the old and plain fireplace into this:

And the fireplace was not the only problem, just look at this old thing:

Although very practical, this very big thing was in my hallway and was taking up space. And because of technical reasons (it hides the electric meter) I cannot get rid of it. So I took out the paint again, and transformed it into this:

Obviously it does not take less space, but it looks like it does, because, color illusion is a thing and also, now fits the rest of the house at least. I still have to paint the wooden cover of the bath tub, that is a weird shade of brown as well and the bed frame, that is quite black. Again, they just don’t fit the house.

Yes, I have a bed frame now, a college from work donated it to me. She was moving into a house with a smaller bedroom and the bed frame just did not fit. The mattress should reach me next week, not sure when because Amazon is not always open with this kind of details. :D After everything is in place I’ll finally be able to sleep properly, I hope. :)

And since I have to get back to working on my book, I will just post here another set of beautiful pictures I took in Edinburgh.

Gallery not found.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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May 28 2018

Miss Subways

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:27

I just finished reading David Duchvny’s Miss Subways. I started reading it a few nights ago, just before drifting off to sleep. I would not call this novel a master piece, but it sure fits my literary style of what I like to read. I loved it and I can’t call it a master piece because I’m no literary critic.

It is a surprising read and for the first three chapters I was having doubts which was the real thread of the story. I even asked out loud when Sidhe was introduced if David was on some good marijuana or some hallucinogenic mushrooms.

Overall it is a story about love, of hopes and dreams, of human weakness and strength. Just as in “Bucky Fucking Dent”, love wins against all odds and plots and deals. The book it is also spiced up with references to different religious figures and myths and snippets of writings from Yates, Shakespeare and other classic writers and poets. There are subtle references to the current political situation in the US.

It is a good read and my only regret is that it was so short.

Another thing a devoted fan of David Duchovny will notice is that this book also contains common elements with the “Every Third Though” music album that he released at the end of last year. There is a chapter called “The Sacred Heart”, which is also a term used in the title of one of the songs: “Stranger in the Sacred Heart”. Both the chapter and the song reference the Sacré-Coeur church in Paris, where people go to pray not for themselves, but for others.

There are three things worth mentioning:

  • The book is about a person or two, that wanted to be writers in their youth and never did it because … life got in the way.(similar to “Bucky Fucking Dent”)
  •  There is a paragraph where the protagonist reads a text from her lover and there is a typo in it. Her exasperation with his carelessness for grammar made me identify with her from that moment. That’s why the end of the novel brought tears of happiness in my eyes. Because she gets the happy ending ( or beginning?) I hope for too.
  •  It is funny how David dedicated a chapter to explain how the protagonist’s book made use of a lot of racist and discrimination cliches we are so used to, and still was deemed a good book. Just as his novel has, and I really hope no exaggeratedly sensitive political-correctness envangellist will start attacking the book for that.

I don’t think I have a favorite quote, I think I need to read the book again to pick one. Also, I gave you enough details to make you curious, I don’t want to spoil it for you.

So, buy it, read it and let’s talk more about it.
Stay safe, stay happy!


May 26 2018

GDPR Stuff

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 9:35

Every company that ever got its hands on my data, is telling me that they either are keeping it safe or they are asking me to confirm I still want they to keep it, or remove it.  I’ve also seen a few bloggers saying they are modifying their own installation of wordpress to implement GDPR specs. And while reading all this GDPR spam, because this is what this is, I thought maybe I should say something as well.

The only personal data I have is data users have provided themselves when posting comments. To post a comment on this site, you only need to provide a username and an email. No email is sent to you for confirmation and their validity is not checked so you can be as creative as you want. ;)

I will not modify wordpress or start deleting the database with comments from this site. My blog is not a business, I do not sell anything and I do not need your personal data. Thus I do not sell it nor use it to analyze you and try to sell you stuff you have a bigger tendency to buy.  Nevertheless if you decide to use your real name and email when commenting and decided to check that check box because you want to receive notifications when somebody else comments on the same blog entry, you will receive those emails. Your data is safe with me, it is stored on an AWS instance, that can only be accessed through SSH from a computer I configured, before connecting to it. Publicly on this site, only the username you used to comment with is visible, so if you decided at some point in the past to comment using your real name and are worried about it, please send me an email to delete your comment or edit the username.

WordPress and Amazon have already updated their privacy policy regarding storing and handling of personal data as well.

Sure, I will add a page explaining you in a formal matter all this GDPR stuff, I am forced by law to do it after all. But rest assured, anything that you did not decide to make public on this blog through comments, won’t be made public and the data you provide (username and email) will never be given to a third party.

I hope I was able to put your mind at ease.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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