This will be a funny one…

…maybe… unless you are easily offended and don’t like talking about genitals. This entry is about dick picks, especially unrequested ones. And in the spirit of equality, unrequested vagina pics, I’ll assume this happens too.

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You were born with a spine, use it!

There is an expression that has haunted me all my life, in a way or another, but the first time it clicked for me that this is one of the core bricks of my character is then I listened to the son Fall for Anything by The Script. This song has a lyric saying: “You gotta stand for something or you will fall for anything”.

I am what you could call a rigid person, once I’ve made up my mind about something it is very difficult to change to back without really convincing arguments. I strongly believe that in order to move forward people must burn bridges to prevent themselves from chickening out and going back, because it is oh, so easy to walk backwards instead of moving forward. It is because the unknown is scarier than the familiar, regardless of the shape of that which we consider familiar. It does take long to change my mind, and when things and people are important to me, I struggle a lot until I let them go, change my mind about it to avoid myself some pain. I am many things, but most of all I am a survivor, and I will cut my own hand to avoid dying from gangrene if I have to. It is a rough metaphor, but I think you get the point.

It is paradoxical to me that we live in a world where stupid people are more inclined to stand for something and face the consequences of their beliefs than smart people, that are able to justify their beliefs, and thus their beliefs should be stronger, because of it, right? Wrong. People that are somewhat smart are aware they might not have all the information, that maybe they did not dedicate enough time to research and thus, they doubt their beliefs and are reluctant to stand for them. The problem is that this world will not change until smart people start standing up for their beliefs too. Sure, you do not have all the facts, but if your belief is a positive one, you should stand by it and you should be willing to die on this hill.

For example, I am against abuse of any kind against children, women, and anybody weak enough to be a target. I do not need to do any research to be convinced that hurting somebody is bad. This is one of the hills I will die on happily.

I am pro-choice, women should be able to do what they want with their bodies, men should be able to do what they want with their bodies, nobody should have the power to enforce or refuse procedures on somebody else. I have a body; I do not want anybody else having power over it as long as I am lucid and rational. I do not need research or other arguments to convince me that every person, should have ownership of their own body. This is another hill I will happily die on.

I am pro-vaccine. I went to school for 18 years, a few of those classes contained a lot of general culture details including basic notions of biology and human anatomy. I know my body inside and out, I know the type of cells making up my body, I know what DNA, RNA, chromosomes, white cells and red cells are and what their responsibility is. I know and understand how vaccines work, it is logical to me. There is nothing to be afraid of. I vaccinate to protect myself and those around me and so should you. This is another hill I will die on.

I am anti-organized religion. This is a very sensitive subject for me. I have suffered a lot because I was raised up by an indoctrinated mother and generations of women in my family have been mistreated and fucked up in the head because of religion. So yeah, fuck your imaginary friends, fuck organized religion and the abuse they propagate, I will die on this hill too. I do not need a lot of research to convince me that organized religion is bad, I remember the history I learned in school and I am reminded how bad organized religion is every time US, Poland, any eastern European and any Arab country is in the news. And if you need more proof just look at how many churches are built in the world compared to the number of schools.

I decided Facebook and most social media are detrimental to my mental health and I deleted all my online presence except this blog, LinkedIN and Twitter and no matter how some friends and family complain, I won’t create them back. If you want to have me in your life, you can have me fully, by interacting with me in other ways, by having a full conversation, by making an effort to see me face to face, not just by staring at my social media pictures and posts and creating a half-baked image of me in your mind. If you are not making the effort, you are not worthy of my time. Social media dehumanizes relationships and I am not getting sucked into this ever again, yet another hill I will gladly die on. I do not need research to validate this belief, this year from February on, was the best time in my life and this is all the proof that I need.

These are a few of my core beliefs. I don’t have many friends that do not share them, but some the ones that share them have given into peer pressure from families and other friends and did religious ceremonies for their weddings and children baptisms, for example. These rituals are important to be included in a community, in a tribe that you try to be a part of. I get it, if you want to be included, you have to do it. The problem is, when you act against your beliefs, you actually allow the propagation of something you do not believe in. How do you expect the world to change when you did nothing to change it? How do you expect your children to live in a different world, when you did nothing to change it?

There is another expression, that you probably know that says the following: the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. Acting against your beliefs, is doing nothing and it might take a long time, but evil will triumph.

So, let’s start showing that we have a spine, and start standing up for our beliefs too, otherwise the beliefs that will shape our world will not be our own.  You were born with a spine, use it!

Stay safe, stay happy!

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I’ve Seen Dune

I’ve read Dune a long time ago because I saw the movie from 1984 and I had so many questions about that world. I wanted to know the full story, so I’ve read Dune Messiah and Children of Dune as well. I’ve read all of them in English and it was a tough read. No matter how much I tried, some elements were difficult to imagine. So, although I enjoyed the books, some things were… unknowns. Until now.


This weekend I drove to Glasgow and met a friend of mine to see Denis Villeneuve‘s Dune together. My favorite movie critics were mind blown, but I knew how difficult the world of Dune was and I was reluctant to allow the hype to … get me. After seeing the movie though, all I can say is… wow. My friend is Scottish, but when the movie ended, I’ve found myself speaking to him in Romanian trying to express my fascination with what I’ve just seen. I totally forgot I was in a different country and used the typical Romanian expression: “Nus’ ce a fumat tipul asta, dar vreau si eu“.

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The power of words

During my life on this planet, I have had the privilege to travel to many places, meet a lot of people from different nationalities. I’ve also worked with a lot of people from various countries, and I’ve picked up a few expressions and words that I use in random situations. I am also very understandable in English, somewhat understandable in French and pretty understandable in Italian. I still struggle with German, but I know how to ask a beer, how to ask for help and how to ask for directions, so I think I’m fine.

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When the big bosses come to town

I keep a lot of notes.

I have notes for book details.

I have notes for my cooking: recipes and shopping lists.

I have notes for travelling, with locations I’ve been, locations I intend to visit and locations where I intend to take my guests.

I have notes for my budgeting.

I have notes for my blog: technical and blogging ideas.

I even have notes for technical interviews – for when I am the interviewer, or the interviewee.

I use Evernote to organize them and access them from every device I own. And since I am that organized, I have a lot of blog topics, and ideas on various notes that I plan to write about at some point in my life.

The bit up to here, was just me bragging about how awesome Evernote is and how organized it allows me to be. They did not ask me to promote them, I am doing it because their app is awesome.

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Choose your values

I haven’t written quite in a while, and I think it is about time I wrote something. There are a lot of topics I could attack, inspired from my work, my homelife and discussions I have with my friends, but it is difficult to write without giving too many details and maybe some of them should not be mentioned because, well… those are not my stories to tell. But some of those stories and friendly chats can be used as seeds.

As a spinster, I have a lot of single friends. We the loners, tend to band together since the people with families don’t really have time for us and we talk, and we exchange ideas. We tell each other about our fears, desires and insecurities and we lift each other up. We talk about the decreasing probabilities of getting hitched as we age. We try to identify a set of criteria a decent enough partner should match, and we like to use the expression: a big enough common set of values and principles but without having an idea what this really means. So, I started thinking about this, and doing some good old internet research and I tried to identify at least a set of values I am holding myself accountable to and I wish an eventual partner would do too. Things did not go that well, because turns out, there are a lot of values, all of them are positive things so choosing is impossible. Technically… if you follow that list in order to define your values and the ones you hope your partner abides by too, you will end up thinking you have impossible standards. This is the first entry of a series of 4 or 5 posts, covering what people consider values and what they actually mean. I expect this to be a fun read.

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A few thoughts before going to sleep

I have friends and we talk and since most of them are single we talk about satisfying their companionship needs and dating. I watch their struggles and wish the best for them, but daamn dating is hard. I don’t have the patience, not the time to do what they do, just … hang with somebody they barely know with the sole purpose of knowing them better. When I used to date, we had a common goal, passing exams or scoring at basketball.

Dating is especially  hard when you are over 30, with all your shit together and during a pandemic. Or you meet somebody that checks most of your boxes and they end up being anti-vaxxers, religious, bold, vegan, want kids or … they are allergic to cats, or all of these.

So, add in a few almost traumatic previous relationships and losing the love of your life at 18 and you’ve got the perfect recipe for a spinster.

That’s me, in case it wasn’t obvious. The irony is that I used to believe in love, write lyrics and songs about it, dreaming about the forever ever after. And then life happened, real unexpected, unforgiving, ruthless life. Because life doesn’t care who you are, how you feel, life just happens.

I am trying to be hopeful, to think about love with optimism, but I am afraid I can’t. I guess I am just too old and too anchored in reality to see love like that beautiful, dreamy thing I used to strive for when I was young and … naive.

Nowadays, when someone is nice to me, I just overthink it. When somebody says they like me I am asking in my mind, what do they like, really? Do they like the color of my eyes, hair, the proportions of my body, the way I walk, the way I look dressed in a certain way? Do they know me enough to like me? How long will they like me for?

When somebody says they love me I am asking in my mind, what they love? The person they know for a while, or the potential woman that I will become at their side? Do they think my strength, my cockiness and my vulnerability are just displayed as part of a seduction game? Do they consider what I want and need? Or they only think about what they want and need? Do they think about all the things we must juggle to be together? Because I do and it is overwhelming me.

They smile to me and in my mind, I calculate all the steps leading to a relationship, its evolution, and its end like a game of chess.

They get close and my heart collapses into itself for fear of breaking. If people could develop PTSD because of previous relationships, I would probably be one of the affected.

It is what it is, I am only human. I probably check most of somebody’s boxes, but then they find out I’m Romanian and I don’t want kids, and I looove garlic and cats.  It is what it is, and I accept my life the way it is. After all, it is not that bad. By Scottish standards this is quite great. So when my friends ask why am I not dating, my reply is why would I bother since I no longer have the time, nor the patience for it?

I hope you did not expect a conclusion, because there is none. Life is the way it is, accept it, live it and have a little bit of fun from time to time. ;)

Stay safe, stay happy!

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