I’ve been thinking about writing something about the year that is now gone. I usually list all my achievements and all the nice things that happened and try to make a list of things I want for the year to come. However, this year I was just not in the mood for it. I had a long vacation that ends in about two days, and I am quite looking forward to it. Having a lot of free time is not good for me. I need a purpose; I need something to do. I need to feel useful; I need a challenge; I need an obstacle to overcome. Or maybe not… I really don’t know, and I think this is what pisses me off.
Here’s the thing… I never thought I would make it this far. All my achievable dreams from when I was young were to get married to a decent enough guy and have some kids to take care of that if I’m lucky will keep my mind busy enough that I won’t get too philosophical. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I have no idea of knowing which, that did not happen. What happened is that the unachievable dreams became a reality. You know how some kids dreams to be astronauts and go to Mars? Well, there is a possibility for a very small group for that to happen nowadays, but when I was a kid, having dreams like that was just… making conversation. We all knew no matter what you do, that shit ain’t gonna happen. Living in almost rural Romania, means that dreams that sound achievable to some, were mostly unachievable for most of us. For me as a girl, being financially independent, owning my own house and my own car and writing books – these were my unachievable dreams. Talking about this kind of dreams, was like playing Dungens and Dragons, I could imagine scenarios and even throw a dice that will get the quest done, but that just meant the game was over.
