Oct 16 2018

Too little, too late

Category: MiscellaneousIuliana @ 1:58

I’ve been raised romano-catholic. One of the quirks of this religion is that it drills into your head that you have to marry a virgin and stand by your man in sickness and in health, until death do you part. I know all wedding vows go like that, but romano-catholics take this very seriously. They do not recognize divorces, in their minds, if you married somebody you are stuck with them for life, no matter how huge an asshole they become. Because of this education indoctrination, my personal life has hit a few bumps in the road. I mean, by 18 I was already an atheist, but getting the shitty idea of “the one and the only” out of my head took a while. But, this blog entry is not really about that.

Last week I discovered Daniel Sloss, and aside the fact that I was barely containing my laughter while at work, some ideas he talked about raised my interest enough to look at his shows on Netflix. In case you do not know who the kid is, he is a British comedian, that started his career quite early and was making a lot of money before he was even allowed to drink legally. His most recent show,  Jigsaw is a cold and raw view of relationships and the dark places the human mind goes when shit hits the fan. Because of how real and personal he gets in this show, he inspired people to ask themselves some difficult questions and  apparently quite a few relationships and marriages have been victims of it: 8500+ break-ups, 37 canceled engagements and 46 divorces. And yes, he keeps count.

The guy reminds me of George Carlin, because his comedy is not really comedy, is the verbal manifestation of a grounded, logical  person’s repression faced with the ridiculous things in this crazy world that we all live in. I was listening to him and laughing, but at some point I stopped, because it was not funny anymore. He was dropping a swear word or a funny comment here and there, to keep it light, but the overall tone was a morose one.

Unfortunately for me Jigsaw came a little too late. I regret that this kid did not have this brilliant idea about 6 or 7 years ago. It would have spared me a lot of headaches and a harrowing heartbreak. Because at the time I was struggling to keep alive a relationship with somebody that probably wished me dead, because that was the easiest way to end it. And I must confess, although I did not wished him dead, I did kill him a lot of times in my nightmares in the most spine-chilling ways.

I am not a stranger when it comes to jigsaw puzzles. Most of my life I’ve felt like a piece of puzzle forced in the wrong place, because I’ve been trying desperately to match expectations that weren’t mine. It took me a long time to muster the grit to say “fuck this!” and try to live my life in a different way and see if it matches. And here I am, a few years later after just throwing it all out the window twice and moving to a rainy island sandwiched between the Nordic and the Celtic sea.  I no longer feel like a piece of jgsaw puzzle, and I am finally building my own. If the jigsaw puzzle is not centered on a partner, that how should I go about solving this? The solution is simple.

I have a career that happens to be one on my passions as well. I also have a passion for music and travelling. I have to solve my jigsaw puzzle by putting my career and my passions in the center. And I guess I’ll just have to get out of my confort zone – in my case, out of the freaking house :)), and meet people. Because among those 7.5 billion people there shoud be one that I have proper chemistry with and that understands and accepts my way of life and priorities. And because I am a grounded, logical person, I will understand and accept his and we’ll just have to slowly gravitate around each other and adjust slowly to one another. Because no matter how hectic, how challenging having a career is, for the person worth your time, you will find time. I’m not sure everything will go flowlessly, but as an adult I will do the adult thing and try my best.

And if among those 7.5 billion people there isn’t anyone for me, at least I lived my life to the fullest and did not have time to think about the fact that we might actually, never really meet.

Stay safe, stay happy!

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