Apr 08 2017

You thought friend-zone was bad?

Category: English posts,MiscellaneousIuliana @ 20:33

Before telling you what is worse than friend-zone let me tell you a few things about me.

I did not have the occasion while growing up to cultivate friendships because my parents moved me from place to place, there was no internet, or even phones back then, and we were also poor, so keeping in touch with my friends once we’ve switched cities was not an option.
I studied in a technical high school and a technical university. Maybe the situation improved now, but when I did all those, there were not many girls interested in technical domains like computer engineering. So most of my colleagues were boys, and because we spent a lot of time together, few of them became good friends. Some of them are men now, they have wives and kids and the whole package, but they are still my friends. People that are lucky enough stay in one place they make friends among neighbors, among school colleagues, faculty colleagues, etc. I did not have any of these for a enough of a long time to build long-lasting friendships. Friends have changed over the years and the most lasting friendship that I have is 11 years long and going strong and he is a guy.

I currently work in a domain that for years used to be dominated by men, and in some countries, like Germany for example, still is.

And another information that might seem useless, but it will make sense soon: the love of my life died in 2001 and since then every relationship was a failure for me and I took the decision to stay away from romantic involvement, because I do not want to waste anybody’s time, not anymore.

Why have I told you all this? Because a while ago I met a new colleague and we seemed to be hitting it off right away. Not in a sexual attraction/romance way, in that “two peas in a pod”, “brother from another mother” way. The thing I like most when befriending adults, it is really easy to put everything on the table. We’re not insecure adolescent hormone bombs anymore, so you can make dirty jokes and say silly things without the worry of being interpreted in a different way. Because, we are adults, we accept that might happen and well… life goes on and not everybody must like you.

When a colleague asked me about this guy, I just told him straight away: “I think I have a geek crush!” Talking with him about tech, the company we both work for, peculiar movies and books is just time well spent. And I really really wanted to have a beer with this guy, because he seems really uncomfortable at work. So being the no-filter person that I am, I told him so. And that’s when it happened: he colleagued-zoned me. Yeap, this is worst than being friend-zoned. Because what it means, is that this person does not even want to be friends with you. Why did he do it? Well… something about his wife being jealous of him making a new friend that happens to also to be a girl. I can understand that, sort of.

But for me this was never a problem. If my ex-boyfriends would have gotten agitated every time I left the house to meet with my male colleagues, the relationships would have been much sorter. At some point I was going to some of my faculty colleagues houses to work on projects and faculty related stuff, colleagues that they did not even know. I was jealous in two of my relationships, but I had reasons to be. Of course looking back now I realize, that instead of being jealous I should have just ended it. But oh well, mistakes were made. Live some, learn some.

Of course after that chat I never dared saying another word to this guy. It’s not like I’m dying to befriend him or something. I can live well enough with the friends I have. But it just feels stupid. Here we are in a world where we are trying to convince people to treat men and women the same, but I can’t start building a friendship with a guy, because his wife gets jealous.

So yeah, I’ve been colleague-zoned. Achievement unlocked. :D

Stay safe, stay happy!

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